Re:Tips for self repping

I have learnt the hard way what to do and what not to do both in court with legal representatives and if self repping.

TIPS

1. If you do have a sensible amount of free finance in place to get a legal team then get a legal team and stay represented. You will look like a cheapskate if you can afford legal representation and don't get it. However, don't let them involve you in loads of unnecessary personal stuff. If you haven't enough money or can't hire a legal team you will be forced to self rep.

2. Do not allow yourself to be wound up by letters in correspondence from the other side.

3. The Financial E document is the most important so take your time filling it in but do not be too obsessive about it, get your bank acount statements and what ever you need to support the Financial E.

4. Highlight some of the inadequacies in the other sides Financial E if there are any but do not get too nitpicking about it - the judge can read your spouses character just as easily as you know it just by looking at the disclosure and the questionnaires - so if you have an abusive stbx don't worry and don't get anxious as the judge should see that.

5. What ever the court orders you to do at any appointment do it without question - no matter how unreasonable it appears to you. THE COURT IS ALWAYS RIGHT and step out of line once and YOU ARE THE UNREASONABLE ONE. If a property is owned jointly and you are to pay for the valuation - pay it without a comment - if it is solely by the other party and you are asked to get the valuation DO IT WITHOUT A QUESTION OR A BLINK OF THE EYE - these are all COURT ORDERS.

6. Do not get involved in pingpong correspondence, once the Financial E and replies are in and YOU have complied with it all DO NOT worry or even point out that they haven't, the judge should see that and if they don't TOUGH - move on and don't feel that it will go against you.

7. If yours is a simple case then keep it simple. If you get to FDR and the case is more complex and therefore might go to final hearing it may be that the judge requires additional information or surveys etc. If you think additional things need to be done then just ask the judge ONCE and wait for his response. If you are ordered to do something yourself then do it immediately. Even if the thing seems totally unreasonable to you for good reasons - DO AS YOU ARE TOLD - EVEN IF YOU JUST QUESTION IT YOU STEP OUT OF LINE AND YOU ARE THE UNREASONABLE ONE


9. If you are in the situation of not being able to get legal aid but know your spouse has plenty of funds ask a solicitor if they will represent you and at what point they would need an interim payment for legal fees from your stbx

9. If you are stuggling financially and your stbx is dragging their heals and not helping you with any costs with bills etc write just once or twice to their solicitor asking for assistance by way of maintenence. You can't do this until financial e is complete as otherwize the court has nothing to prove one way or another whether they can afford it or you need it. Consider then applying to court for Maintenence Pending Suite depending on any fixed court date. Do NOT waste court time if you are going to be in court in a couple of weeks.

10. If you are managing financially do not ask for a maintenance pending suite even if your stbx could well afford it on their finance (as long as there is a date when you are due back in court which you can cope with). When it comes to a court hearing your legal team can then point out that stbx has made no offer for maintenance and that your standard of living has dramatically reduced.

11. If you are forced to self rep just do your best with the forms. If your stbx is represented and you are being hassled by their solicitor - TOTALLY REFUSE to get wound up by their letters. If they state that you are doing x bad thing or y bad thing and you are not - DO NOT WRITE BACK and say you are not. If they accuse you of something you have done which you should not - write back and apologise and put it right.

12. DO NOT GET DEFENSIVE AND FRIGHTENED about allegations in correspondence. This tactic is one of the prime tactics legal people employ to get people not used to the legal system to rise to their bait. This form of fun gets them loads more money in legal fees - if you are self repping generally do not answer back with letters unless it is a very serious allegation. If it is a very serious allegation you can just write back - I refer to your letter dated x - I confirm that I have not done that.

13. Courts are not interested in the legal wranglings - they do not care how much money individuals loose allowing their legal teams to ping pong with problems with access, furniture - basically allegations that went nowhere. If the other side is constantly hassling you ignore it but put a few of the letters, only those which you have had to respond to - in your own court bundle to court. REMEMBER, any response needs to be totally calm.

14. When being cross questioned in court take your time. You are not supposed to be questioned in an agressive and adverserial nature when in family court. If the questioning from the other side is agressive or very agressive remember do not panic. A natural instinct in states of fear is to become agressive yourself. REMEMBER that, very important. NEVER APPEAR AGRESSIVE IN COURT - EVEN IF IN FACT YOU ARE FEELING THREATENED. If you feel threatened just at the thought of going into court - it is much better to look tearful and frightened than going into defence mode.

15. If you get to the point where you need to cross question your ex if it is a final hearing keep the questioning brief. Don't start nikpicking about furniture/access etc. Keep questioning brief.

thanks for this. great advice.

I agree with Dormouse, this is great advice but sometimes it's difficult to keep calm. But I'll persevere.

great advice, thanks

Survive
x

Hi soulruler

I am seriously thinking about selfrepping due to projected costs. I made an agreement with my exwife in mediation and she resigned from her training job and so her situation has changed. she has now backtracked saying she cant fulfil our mediated agreement and so the consent order that had just been written by my solicitor has in fact become a useless piece of paper.
Our children are not the question as we share residency for them by agreement. one week on and the other off. its worked for the last 7+months.
Could you tell me please how you went about the process of starting and completing the financial aspects so that we can get it all sorted out for once and for all. she does not communicate at all. all the ideas about resolving this have come from me and my solicitor and I have had enough.

thanks

As I understand it if mediation breaks down then you cannot refer to mediation if you have to go through the formal route of going to court.

If you go through the court route then you need to exchange Financial E information - I am assuming that you have basically done this via your solicitor and mediation.

There are good guides on this site about filling in the forms which need to be exchanged and then any questions asked in response to them and answers filed (to the questions) and then an appointment is arranged via the courts.

If everything is straightforward and you can get most things resolved by then (for the First Appointment - called the First Appointment) it is possible that you can get a resolution at that point.

As you will know the best way is to get resolution as soon as possible. My divorce costs were £80,000 (to me personally) and mine was and still is a small money divorce. As far as I am aware the only costs my husband has paid to date are £6,800 and in case you think I am a huge money earner I am not, I run a very small business from home and have a disabled adult son and two other children and a very large mortgage.

I spent my entire life savings before I was forced to give in and self rep. My husband however has 5 legal teams all working together against me, my disabled son and my elderly mother.

I hope that your wife will not be as malicious towards you and your children as my husband has. Maybe you should try and caution your wife on the well known saying that the only people who win in divorce are the solicitors.

Actually I do not really think that this is entirely true as divorce is not supposed to be either a game or a war but sadly in some cases it really is.

Work out in your own mind what it is you are looking for (and I am assuming if it is not about access to the children - which is good to hear as many men find themselves sidelined and just a breadwinner for the children in divorce) and then think on as to whether a court is going to be able to help.

If it is about selling the home and giving you some capital then even if a court orders it in this financial market that may not be possible. If it is about you paying spousal maintenence it might be better as resigning from her job was not helpful to anyone.

The problem with taking the divorce through the courts is that judges haven't got a magic wand to sort out society and people realise things way too late.

If you post up your particulars on this forum then some of the wiki people will be able to give you their opinion on what your options are. I expect in any case that your solicitor has given you their idea of what you could possibly expect.

Good luck with it and I hope that your departing stbx is not going to be as wholely spiteful and revengeful as mine has.

My divorce is most defintely going to set some sort of new legal precedent whether it gets out into the public domain or not as my husband is just about the most consistantly and obviously blatent lier (perjury) that ever walked, spoke or failed to turn up in court.

In my 30 ish appearances in court to date (all of which he called) he has only turned up to about 12 of them. In case you think that I am some sort of got to go to court and sort out my ex you are wrong as Ihave never wanted to go to court at all and it is not me taking cases out against my husband it is him and his legal teams taking cases out against me in just about all the UK Courts and then me having to go to court to defend myself and my family from them all.

I never even had the faintest idea about the law at all until I attempted to get a divorce. One legal team that I would critisise is my husbands first one as it is them who increasingly take case after case and involve legal team after legal team and they have most definitely taken a personal grudge against me (and used my husbands malicous and vindictive nature to fuel all of this as he is so stupid also that he just accepts everything they say - so remember keep your own independence when thinking about what is reasonable and therefore acheivable knowing your circumstance and the nature of your stbx).

He can just never give up and never accept the divorce despite the fact that he was the one who left me.

If the problem is that she will not move out of the house and you need some of the equity and also that she wants maintenence (shared care will reduce the Child maintenence) then self repping may be better as at least you keep costs down.

I have revised my thoughts on the need for solicitors as long as you can keep up with the basic form filling and remember to take you time and be polite in court I really do not think that judges are prejudiced against those who self rep.

I hope you can work things out with your wife.

some great tips there for self repping that i think i will need to use thank you for them.i am in a similar situation to wraith although i have court date now so maybe slightly ahead i dont want anything from this anymore after 3 and a half years i just want an end to this nonsense and hope that when in court i can conduct myself as expected by the judge in an open honest polite matter