wtf

My ex-partner has gone and blew my head apart again.
Last night had a call telling that if I wanted I could go over and say good night to my kids as I was going away to work again.
Put kids to bed and then the bombshell,she regrets everthing that has happened and she loves me but dosnt know how to tell him to get lost.worse was to come she is seven week pregnant.
She cried that she has no feelings for him or the child and that she only thinks about me.
She has rent,electrical,gas arrears and other cash problems even though I have paid my CM 140 a week since I left and she gets 12012 a week social money.
I know I should have laughed in her face and walked out but my kids are the ones going to be in this mess.
I told her that I couldn't really offer any advice as I didn't want our family to be split on the first place and everything had been decided by her to try cover her cheating,fraud and lies in the first place.
After what was done on Christmas day I said she would never hurt me again,she has.
My heart is broken and I wish I could do something to help but my head tells me get a grip and walk away.
But the knots in my stomach make me want to heave.
My advice to others would be karma is a bitch,but why do i feel sad and sorry for her.

You are her safety net, nothing else.

Please please do not fall for it.

You will always be there for your children but you are NOT responsible for your ex, you cannot solve her problems or 'fix' her. There are always consequenses to actions, these are 'her' consequences don't let them be yours.

That has been the story of my life,falling for lost causes.
Would she help me or support me if I needed it,no that has been proved again and again.
Thanks sometimes to hear what you know from someone else helps.

Even after all she has done, the biggest bit of advice I have would be to not use her moment of weakness against her. Park it, leave it, don't revisit it, don't try and understand it, just let it go.

Jeez, Saddad that's a horrible story.
Your partner obviously has a chaotic personality much like my wife.
These people have lost their moral compass and are dangerous to hang around as they will do your head in with their lies and deceit and wavering alliances and loyalties.
They live from day to day and change their minds and promises about everything.
Sh*t....if my wife even told me what day it was, I'd check the calendar to make sure she wasn't lying!
I know it's tough man, you can't just switch off your feelings for someone you've shared a lot of years with, but for your own sanity give her the body swerve.

It's a wonder you didn't give that Community Warden asshole a bunch of fives.
I've been tempted with my wife's muppet boyfriend, but I know for a few seconds of satisfaction the Police are going to get involved and I might even end up in jail.

Good luck with everything Saddad, I know it must be a strain working offshore with all this crap going on, but hopefully you can still email your lawyer who will be your voice of sanity in all of this mess.

LW

Your ex sounds very confused. Much like my wife. It's ok to feel sorry for her. After my wife was dumped by her lover she was a mess and I felt great compassion for her. That doesn't mean I want her back. Seeing her in such pain does not help me feel better at all.

So the advice that so many give applies here too. Take care of yourself first. Focus on your kids. Stand up tall, be proud of your actions and work on making your life awesome.

I hope your ex learns to stand on her own two feet and takes control of her crazy life!

It's certainly a dilemma and not at a great time just when you have to go away.

Dealing with the legal stuff is almost mechanical but emotional fall out is very different. You can't choose to shut down an emotion or flick a switch and it all goes away. This recent development complicates things for you too and has thrown your thoughts into turmoil again.

Yes she's made a monumental error but your children are living in that home and their happiness and wellbeing are to be preserved at all costs.

If that means helping your wife out now with some of the practical things which need to be done, won't that make it easier for your children? The unborn little one may be someone else's responsibility but the happiness of your children is deeply bound up with the happiness in the home.

Take good care of yourself whilst you're away and perhaps it will give you some thinking time.