Re:How to best support partner ????

Hello.. I just wondered if there was anyone out there who is the partner of a person going through a divorce/residency fight for children? I am in that position and sometimes struggle to find the "right" things to say or do to help him along the way. He has been separated for nearly 3 years but recently his children were removed from their mother and placed into LA care. Sometimes anything i say is wrong other times its as though ive told him the best thing ever. He knows im there to support him 100% and that i care deeply for the children as well just some days im lost and feel i dont know how to cope myself let alone help him... anyone?

Theres a few of us one here in that position. My own personal view (and thats all it is!) is that you can only support, hold them when they need it, offer help and advice but dont push your point to forcefully - something I have been guilty of on occasion!

I think its hard whne youre attached to your partners children, I am very very fond of my future stepdaughter, and she of me, but thats nothing to the love that my partner feels for her so his pain is magnified tenfold to mine.

Sometimes I rant on here, and that really helps, and it helps so that I dont feel like I am alone supporting him as there are a few other ladies on here that all have this same situation. Im sure one of them will offer better advice than me, but I can offer a hug!

Thanks im guilty of pushing my own views too! No one else sees how upset he is just me and it makes me so angry because the situation he now faces is not his own doing but he is being penalized. I had no end of hassle from his ex when we first got together and those memories stick hard but far from make her children hate me which is what she wanted we actually get on really well. I know no one else in my situation other than finding this site. All my friends support me but never quite understand..

I think as in my case, when you recognise the traits in yourself that could potentially cause upset, you are more aware of them and just need to direct them in anotehr way. My partners daughter was told that I had "stolen her daddy away from mummy" despite "mummy" being pregnant by some else at the time, and having been seperated from my partner for a year when we met......

Its hard to rise above it, but we do it because we love them, and its all about their relationship with their children. Since seperating from my ex husband and meeting my fiance I have matured so much, and understand so much more about being reasonable where these issues are concerned.

What I will say is that following some advice on here last month, I decided that we would have a night where we didnt discuss court, financial settlements or childrens act cases - bought a chinese, a couple of bottles of wine, and we had a great night, just like when we first met - I think thats always worth a go :-p

xx

That sounds a great idea a night just to chill out and remember why we are together..I think ill try that one. You dont realise how much it takes over your every day life