Is adultery now a major epidemic???

Marshy - we are not all like that (Although I wish I had her solicitor!) which maybe rather disproves my own point! But really - please regain some faith in the human race.

Marshy, those last few lines make perfect sense, imperfect people develop processes to try and solve problems imperfect people make, and that`s the crux of the problem.

I hear what you are saying guys. I am not a believer thats all. Of course we are not all the same. Its the bad ones that spoil it for everyone else. C.

Yes I think that adultery is nothing new. Even though I was cheated on I in a way realise that these things happen, but I guess it's not the affair it boils down to the behaviour of the partner who has had the affair in the way of the lies, abuse to the "left" person and the effects it all has on the children.

I to am not a believe either and I don't think people can make a promise to stay together for life - because you just don't know the minute in this world.
for sure. Although strangely enough my ex feels she has met the man of her life and will be together for ever - even when they both know how fragile relationships can be.

If marriages on average only last 11 years how come mortgages last 25 ? I think there is money to be made out of the pretence of the "happy family" although there maybe more money to be made out of separation.

I realise my ex was never that into me and was binding her time till something better came along - then then cheat, lied and did her best to turn me over - and I'm glad to be shot of her.

Yes I to believe divorce is set out to be fault ­base­d with the UB list of laughable gripes.

And yes I do believe (like it or not) that people who put themselves first and can detach themselves from their own actions have the potential of getting on and even makes them more attractive.

So many ideas from this post!

I think that Marshy is correct, you can make as many rules as you want, but people are imperfect and that is one thing you can depend on. Add that to the fact that nature, nurture, money, learned behaviour, social status, any religious background and self esteem will all direct us more than, say, a spouse could.

You can speak as much as you want about cultural differences, attitudes, no fault, etc., but the one reason why our situations are linked is that they all involve our surprise at the spouses actions, or surprise that they can change, adapt, be someone else.

There are several studies which also indicate how people's set behavior alters depending on what they imagine their reward to be: look at shacter vs singer, kohlbergs theory of moral development, the writings of steve jones, dan fisher, etc.

I think that in my case he did what he wanted because he could & felt entitled. This has almost nothing to do with the fact that he was 21 stone and emotionally unavailable and much more with the fact that he had never been shown how to take responsibility for his actions, was mollycoddled, taught that he was always right. The fact that he had never done his own laundry at 28 was an issue that I should have dealt with, but hey ho.

Also, actions are often directed by society - my Sol said that now there is no fault divorce, she feels people are more willing to split. In California, after 10 years there is an automatic split of half, even after pre-nup, so you saw Tom Cruise divorce Nicole after 9 yrs 11 mos., who knows if that sham would have gone on if the law hadnt of forced his hand?

I think that some of us have a need to be truthful, some of us don't care and use outside sources to fill in the gaps of our moral integrity. Its up to all of us to just make sure when we feel that it isnt going right, to make sure that we dont lose ourselves in the process.