Re:help!!!!

and the update for anyone awake....
had text xmas day thanking me for pressie, seen a couple of times and time is needed for him to sort out his head, work out why she left (ask?),sort out money, house etc and then relationship, by which time he hopes family will have forgotten they hate me!

realistic or just the brush off? suggestions on a postcard.....

oh and has this wonderful idealistic notion that love is instant etc just like it was when he was 15 and every one feels like that....my i have missed out

Cinders, why wait around for them to decide they no longer hate you? What sort of a basis is that for a relationship? What happens the next time you do something to displease them? Back to square one waiting for them to 'unhate' you again?

This is about your life and sadly its being wasted on someone who isn't ready to commit to the kind of relationship you really would like.

It's hard when you had so many hopes, but it's not really what you want is it?

Don't waste too long waiting for them to accept you, as it sounds as though it will always be on their terms.

Big hug!

Mitchum x

Cinders, if you like it complicated hang on in there, I cant see too many competing for the job. Hes got enought cul-de-sacs to drive you up and down repeating the make up/break up pattern hes already shown you. Maybe you are OK with that (some people like the drama). If you're wondering if you can 'fix' him, I sincerely doubt it - anyone who dives head first into their inlaw family cutting them off from their ex is doing a cuckoo job. Hes hoping one day she'll want them back and realise he's part of the deal.

Reading what you've written so far reminds me how good it is NOT to be in a relationship, maybe Im getting old but I do not have the energy for all that. If you want to stick around and see what happens thats up to you but I would keep my options open and date other people. He cant really moan cos he certainly isnt offering you a fair deal, sounds like he wants the counselling and then slams the door on you when he feels like a bit of self flagellation. You're obviously an optimist whereas he sounds a bit of a pessimist and comes across likes hes feeling pretty sorry for himself. Well the 'victim' is a bit of a starring role and those who like it cant afford to be seen enjoying themselves too much otherwise everyone takes home the sympathy.

I wish you luck with it and can only say thank you for reminding me why I like the simple life these days.

Best wishes
Rasher

Hi Cinders,

There are lots of nice people out there in the big world, by all means spend time with those you consider to be pleasant company but consider that you don't have to commit yourself at all to any of them, let alone this one.

You have a right to enjoy some peace and happiness. It sounds from what you've written that this chap isn't ready for a stable relationship. It is very noble of you to be ready to nurse him through his troubles as you empathise with what he is going through however this will be at the expense of your own emotions and already sounds like a drain on your nerves.

It is your choice, but read again everything that you have written and I think you'll see you've answered your own question.

As for love being instant HAH! Lust is pretty quick though!

Best wishes,

YA

quite agree, does anyone fall in love at a click of the fingers, i doubt it and if they do look where they ended up in this case!
My nerves are fine,my life continues with normal every day hassles that we all have, lets see what happens next!
I may empathise but I think him and his whole family forget I got divorced too, my husband didnt have an affair like his wife, he had £100k worth of prostitutes but I refuse to sit at home and whip myslf with branches of thorns and ask why, sod him thats why they hate me, becasue I wont sit and cry anymore thus im a hard hearted cow after his house........lol



hes soooo missing out