Introducing children to new partner

Hi there all,

Just wondered if anyone had any pointers or thoughts on how best to introduce your children to a new partner?

Im just at the 'thinking about it' stage at the moment and have no immediate plans to do so. Does anyone have any personal experiences they could share??

I guess the first step would be to somehow introduce the idea of their mother 'dating'.

Kids are 13,11 & 6.

Thanks in advance!

I found 'neutral territory' helpful. My child is a teen and I found a neutral environment helpful.

Preparing the children in advance can also help - i.e. "Lets go bowling on Saturday. Do you mind if I bring my new friend along?" sort of thing (explaining as much or as little as you are comfortable with).

In my experience I wouldn't have the 'meeting' in your home. My mother brought her new boyfriend (who became my step-father) in to the house for the initial meeting and I felt threatened (I was 6)

All the best

It's hard to know how to handle this in the best way but I did it slowly. Got kids used to me dating then moved to mentioning there was a special person. Then I started to drop his name into conversations and moved to volunteering a bit of info about him. When the kids had got used to this they started to get curious. We did the first meet at a bonfire and I asked if they minded if he came. It was neutral territory and didn't need much conversation. I got them used to the idea of him being at mine while they were in bed then he'd pop in for half an hour before they went bed and we built it up from there. He's now there most of the time and stops over.
I think the main thing to think about it take it slowly at first and guage their reaction at each stage. You might be pleasantly surprised that they take it all with no problems. Kids adapt pretty well
bma

Hy

I think one of the best ways is to let them know that there is someone you would like them to meet very soon.

Explain that this person is very nice and most importantly makes you very happy.

Drop their names into conversation where you can and let a little curiosity enter the equation.

Make sure whenever you mention your new partner you speak with confidence and a smile on your face so they can see how happy you are.

I would suggest something fun for you all to do and maybe if he has kids to bring them along.

Theres no easy way as your always expecting them to compare against their dad or just an instant dislike - however if ur sure and they see how happy you are when you talk about him.. then you got apretty good start.

Hope this helps..

Angel 1 x

Thanks for the replies so far!

You've pretty much echoed my thoughts on the subject - take things slowly and definately the neutral territory thing.

The first thing I knew about my mum seeing someone after my parents had split up was hearing a man's voice downstairs whilst I was in bed. I was 10 at the time and I didnt talk to my mum for days and only after alot of tears (mine!) did I tell her what I had heard. From then on it was fine, she explained how this person was very caring and wanted to look after us all etc. etc and he gradually integrated into our lives.

I think I'll probably start by mentioning dating to my eldest, she's at the 'boy' stage herself and so the whole idea wont be totally alien to her. The info may filter down to my 11 yo but I will make sure I mention it to her also rather than having to hear about it 2nd hand.

Don't do what my ex did with my kids, he introduced them to his gf one week at his house as a 'friend' then a week later she went on a fortnite holiday abroad with them and they didn't know till they got to the airport!! He still doesn't think he did anything wrong

What I did worked very well and i think i did the right thing.
My kids were introduced to my GF over a long time, firstly we went to a friends house who also had kids, and GF was there, over a period of weeks, maybe months, there were less and less people around and the kids seem to latch onto her as there got to know her, more and more we spent time together, the kids grew to like her, my daughter even thought it was funny and before we initiated anything she said to my GF ' I know who your BF is' it was me of course.
Having said all that, although i believe slowly slowly, kids really are resilient to things and most importantly accept people who are 'good' to them, in many sense of the word.
So the fact my daughter joins us in bed sometimes on a sunday morning is not so surprising anymore, something she never did with me and her mum, might I add.