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Hi Everyone (especially the folks I have tried to help with police pensions
over last few days!)
I have, through correspondence with
Peter@BDM found out that the workings out my husband and I did are
factually incorrect. Am I bothered? No because we got a brilliant deal at
court.
However I know this does not help anyone else at this present
time in the various stages of this divorce path.
What I do want to say
is this.......if you feel that you are genuinely being railroaded by
Solicitors or your s2bx, then don’t give up.
It seems to me that
throughout this divorce path the only time you will get a fair hearing is
at the Final one. I know everyone tells you that it will cost a fortune,
far outweighs the outcome, frustrates the hell out of you, the fees are
astronomical etc, etc, but it is not true if you are self repping.
The
only trouble here is you have to do EVERYTHING yourself, you have to be
prepared for this as it takes hours and hours of preparing, researching and
staying within the rules of the family proceeding rules, even when you are
so frustrated because the other sides Lawyers don’t! (and boy they
don’t!)
I have 2 large pull along suitcases full of paperwork, from
three years at various court hearings!
You have to document every
single item of paperwork, be prepared for letters arriving on a Friday or
Saturday and upsetting your whole weekend, because there is NOTHING you can
do about it until the Monday. In fact my advice is DON’T open them till
Monday!
It really is hours and hours of work, but if you are
methodical in your approach, step by step you can get through it all,
especially now you have found this Wiki site. Something I didn’t do until 2
years down the line.
There will be times when you just can not sleep,
the chat room is fantastic for this! Any question (however daft you think
it may be) will be answered by someone on here. You have to remember this
is not just happening to you, it is happening to thousands, every day and
its happened to thousands before you.
If there is one thing you have
to remember if you are self repping, then you know the case inside and out
and if you are TRUTHFUL in every single dealing, even when its proved the
other party is lying through their back teeth, then you will never be
caught out and it should work out ok for you.
You are only a number to
a Lawyer, another case, another one to get through, they can not possibly
give you the 100% commitment you need or think you need. Lawyers make
mistakes its proved every day and to be honest there is not a thing you can
do about it, they seem protected by “ my client instructed me”, my client
told me she/he only earned that, it’s the clients fault blah blah!
This is not meant to be a post to slag off Lawyers, I understand they
have a job to do and there are some, a few out there, that are genuinely
concerned for people, if you have one of these then keep hold of them, they
are like gold dust.
Anyway sorry I have gone way off what I wanted to
say about pensions and its this……..
If you have a joint report done on
a pension, then you both have to accept the outcome of it. If we had done
this then my husband would have been giving over 80% of his pension, would
he though? Because had it of been a joint one, then maybe different
questions would have been asked of it in the first place and the outcome
may have been a different one. (in other words, her Lawyers asked questions
of their report that benefited their client and to hell with what it meant
for my husband!
We were extremely lucky in the fact that we had a
fantastic Judge at the FH who was both fair and knew exactly what she was
doing. She realised their report was totally off the wall and very biased,
this is not the actuaries fault, she did a report based on what
information they gave her.
Maybe it is best to get your own report
done on it so you know the other parties report is fair. I mean having two
reports from two different actuaries if they have been told the whole
truth, and asked the same questions then surely they should come up with
the same results.
The choice is yours really and if you trust the
actuary to give an unbiased opinion then surely that’s the best way to go.
Each pay half and accept one report.
If there is one person I do trust
on this site (and there is no benefit for me in saying this, as our case is
over, and all the “oldies“ on this site no my feelings on experts and
Lawyers!!!) is Peter@BDM, he has answered my questions and emails, that
must of taken him a long time to sit and write, for free, (one actuary,
charged us £16+vat for an email, all that was in it was a list of her
charges!! Needless to say we never paid it! Made a complaint! But hey
that’s me! J) Anyway I don’t think you will find anyone more willing to
help you out , than Peter and his company., maybe its worth dropping him a
line, to see where you stand.
Remember though everyone, you can only
receive the help you will need to get through all this if you are 100%
truthful in any dealings, there is no point in trying to hide assets, or be
so bitter and not want your ex to get what they are entitled to just
because you no longer like that person. You did once Love this person,
whether they are now the she/he devil from hell.
Put all your emotions
to one side , get this divorce done and dusted and move on, life is just to
short.
I wish you all luck, wealth and happiness.
Kindest
Regards
Louise xx
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