Re:Legal Inquiry About PR Please Advise if Possible

Hi, it's a long convoluted story so I'll keep it simple as possible.

I'm the biological parent of my ten month old daughter, her other biological parent was abusive to us both and since we separated has moved about 400 miles away with no forwarding address. I've been given residency by the court and my ex has only shown up to one of the four court hearings.

My ex and I aren't in any kind of marriage or partnership and (due to this being a long story) by rights I should be the only name on my daughter's birth certificate. Unfortunately they came with me to the registrar and so they're on the certificate and technically qualify for parental responsibility. They haven't shown an iota of parental responsibility since day one and after disappearing into the blue with my rent money and her child benefits (which I've managed to divert back to myself now) they haven't paid a penny in child maintenance.

My problem, or question - whatever you call it - is this, I want my ex deleted from my daughter's life. Stricken from the record as if they were never there or failing that, I want to remove their surname from her surname. It's not fair that she be burdened with the surname of a dead beat parent that she never sees and who doesn't give two figs about her.

My solicitor said that because my ex has parental responsibility as their name is on her birth certificate, the only way I can change my child's name is to obtain their permission. Even if they were likely to give permission, which they're almost certainly not, I don't even know where they live now.

Advise please.

Hi Single Dad & welcome to Wiki

Your solicitor is right!

You mentioned abuse - does this mean the mother is not allowed contact?

Usually I would say that contact with both parents is the right of the child - unless there is a strong reason to prevent it (like abuse)

How is your daughter coping with everything since the split?

Take care

WR x

Your solicitor is correct, you need consent from all those with PR for a child or permission from the courts to change a child's name and PR is rarely, if ever, revoked. Mothers automatically have PR because there shouldn't ever be any doubt who is the mother.

Children who grow up insecure about their parentage and identity tend to have a low self esteem leading to emotional and behavioural problems in later life. Therefore even if a parent's behaviour leaves much to be desired by most people's standards it's difficult to persuade the courts that changing a name is in the best interests of a child and PR is rarely revoked. Changing a name might be deemed in the best interests of a child if, for example, a parent had committed a serious crime reported by the national media.

My daughter's never been happier. She's much more outgoing and brave now, she was getting so miserable and twitchy with all the shouting and screaming that was going on. Not my shouting and screaming by the way. My ex used to pick her up and literally scream in her face, tell her to shut up, call her a B-word and I got a lot a worse said to me.

The courts have given me full custody and they're finding it hard to serve my ex with papers of any future hearings because they've vanished off the radar with no forwarding address.

I'm so happy that my little girl is safe now, I just wish I could change her name.

If you need consent from everyone who has PR then I'm going to struggle. I'll have to unofficially change her name for now. If my ex has vanished off to the other end of the country and started a new life with someone else in an unknown location - and not paying any maintenance I might add, why can't PR just be dissolved. The only time they ever made an effort to show up for their daughter was the day I went to get her birth registered.

Unfortunately Single Dad, you will not be able to 'Strike' the other parent from your childs life in one simple stroke of the pen.

It takes two to make a child and each parent has responsibilities and rights as does your child. However, you are quite entitled to live your life as you wish without the involvement of the other parent.

It is paramount that the welfare and wellbeing of your daughter is put first and that any action you take is in her best interests.

Your ex will have to face the consequences of their actions 'and their losses' at some point.

I would presume the only way you could do this is to fade your ex into the background and just get on with your life and deal with your ex as and when they show up.

Your ex will still have rights whether you like it or not. Sorry ....

People can change. For example, a parent with mental health problems might be treated so their behaviour stops or an abuser could undergo treatment to modify their. The courts tend to leave the path open so if the parent acknowledges their behaviour and changes it a child can have some form of relationship, even if it's only indirect contact or at a contact centre.

The concern is about the long term consequences of not knowing or seeing a parent. Psychologists and psychiatrists constantly are telling courts that children suffer harm which of course has to be weighed against the effects of any harm from abuse. Only in exceptional cases when domestic abuse is at a high level is it likely a court would order no contact.