Starting School,

Long story short(ish)

Wife had an affair. left 6 weeks ago to live with lover about 50mins drive away.

Children:

- 8 year old who lives with me at school time (school 10 mins away) Stays with Mum weekends

- Twin 3 year olds - with me Mon/Tue go to Mums Wed from 4pm

All back to me 3pm Sundays.

Boys start school next Sept . I assumed that they would go to the 8 year olds school, however just found out for X that she wants all kids to move to hers and go to a local school.

I have already booked the twins into local school. All child benefit etc is in my name.

Wondering if my wife has legal power to have children to live with her (and I became a Sat dad). Or any other advice

If all the child benefit is in your name then you are officially the parent with care. You need the child benefit letter to provide proof of your address when registering children for school entry. So I don't think your wife will be able to get the younger two into a school near where she lives without this.

She could of course apply to the child benefit people and indeed to court to change the status quo. However, the fact that your elder one lives with you during the week and goes to school locally is a strong argument for maintaining this pattern to give this child stability. On the other hand, she does have the majority of care of the twins at the moment, which she could use to get the child benefit transferred to her. She could also make an argument in court that she is already in practice the parent with care of the younger two and that the elder should move to be with her in order to keep them all together. It's all very early days so a bit up for grabs, to be honest.

On a side note, I am a bit concerned that you don't have any non-school time at all with your elder one - she is getting all the weekends. You might want to negotiate to have all the children on alternate weekends in addition to the time you currently have, so that you get some of the 'fun time'. This would also strengthen your hand in keeping all the children with you and going to your local school, as you would have your twins for an extra two or three nights per fortnight.

best wishes,
Sadie

If I was in your position, until ordered to do so by a court I would ignore her

I sorry to disagree, but I wouldnt ignore her, I would firm up your access via mediation or court if necessary and make sure the children stay together as much as possible. I agree that you school age child needs 'funtime' with you. I personally do not feel children should be separated to the degree yours are. You need to work out what access or contact you want and do something about getting it.

From the legal point of view you both have equal Parental Responsibility and rights to carry out those responsibilities including having contact or the children living with you and making important educational and medical decisions.

If living/contact/educational arrangements cannot be agreed between you and the courts become involved a judge will refer to welfare check list in s1 Children Act 1989;-


(a)the ascertainable wishes and feelings of the child concerned (considered in the light of his age and understanding);

(b)his physical, emotional and educational needs;

(c)the likely effect on him of any change in his circumstances;

(d)his age, sex, background and any characteristics of his which the court considers relevant;

(e)any harm which he has suffered or is at risk of suffering;

(f)how capable each of his parents, and any other person in relation to whom the court considers the question to be relevant, is of meeting his needs;

(g)the range of powers available to the court under this Act in the proceedings in question.


With regard to background generally it is an uphill struggle changing the established status quo and as you have only been separated a relatively short time the pattern of work and child care before separation is an important factor.

If you or your wife stayed at home or worked part time to fit around childcare commitments, took the children to school/nursery/dentist/doctor the majority of time and did most of the nuts and bolts of parenting such as washing the children's clothes and preparing their meals then that parent is likely to be deemed the primary carer.

On the other hand if you both worked full time and shared the dropping off at school, collecting etc equally then shared residence 50:50 is indicated and it really boils down to practicalities and disrupting the children the least.

Where does the local education authority consider the children to live. I am not sure they will be happy if you have a place then your ex applies for a place from a different location.

Thanks for the help guys. I should have said that I get my 8 year one w/e per month and the twins 2 w/e a month.

My x is a full time student and was for one year before she left. She is totally finically reliant on her new partner, so I am concerned that if she was to have the children and her relationship brock down with her partner, this would have servier consequences and may mean that the children would have to move schools again.

I work f/t however my job is V flexible and so can easily work around school times.

Regarding local education authority she moved out of county.

An update with my X: She suggests that I could pick up children on a Fri after school then drop them off on Mon morning. This could be 3 w/es per month. Part of me fills that at least I would get mostly fun times!