Re:Is my request reasonable or doomed to failure?

Hello,

Hoping someone can give me some advice. Due to go to 2nd joint mediation session towards the end of next week.

My stbx wants the FMH sold, which will leave around £40k of funds to be distributed. With the current state of the housing market, not convinced that we can sell the house at we would need to do and also with large deposits needed by lenders, may be difficult for us to both obtain mortgage finance. We have 2 kids, aged 11 and 7 and she wants them to move home (as my STBX has deliberately upset several of my neighbours).

I am against the sale of the FMH as the moment in time, as my belief is that the children's stability should be paramount. Our eldest child is due to start secondary school in September and my view is that there is enough upheaval occurring in the children's lives, without them having to move home.

I am willing to remain in the FMH with the kids until they reach 18 and then selling up, splitting the proceeds. The problem I have is that I work full time and cannot afford to reduce my working hours, so my real issue is being able to pick up and collect children to/from school. My stbx works 25 hours per week, with her hours ­base­d around her being able to do the school run.

Realistically, do I stand any chance of this happening or is it likely that the sale of the FMH will be force upon me?

Thank you for your time.


Mick

Mick,

Take it that the wife is still living in the family marital home?

Is she likely to let you be the primary carer for the children? Are your work hours fixed, or are you (like me) unsure when you start work, what time you might finish?

Is there enough slack in family finances to fund a rental property either for you or her?

Could she realistically reduce to 16hrs to get tax credits and / or housing benefits to balance the books?

Would she move out?

Can fully see where you are coming from. Particularly about upsetting the eldest and his new school. My youngest is about to do the same.

Also housing market is on its proverbial backside and unlikely to pick up significantly for 18 months or so.

Have divorce proceedings started? What stage are they at?

Sorry - lots of questions, but need to be clear before giving duff advice.

Mike

(P.S. Take it that 1929 isn't your birth year? )

Why can't you take the kids on, stay in the house and use a child minder. The 11 year old is old enough to come and go (well too and from school) as he pleases. You only have to find a child minder for the youngest.
I had to look around a lot to find a minder that took a drop off before 8.00 am and a pick up after 5.00 pm.
The tax credits for using a registered minder are quite generous. Don't quite cover all the costs but not far off of it.
Providing that you aren't working obscenely long hours you should be able to cope. If not try getting your employer to be more flexible.
I know that we are supposed to work in an equal society but getting employers to recognise dad's rights is difficult.
If I have really urgent job to complete then I have a single mum parent of my son's friend who usually owes me a few favours as I look after her son when she needs a night off.
My social life is s**t so I don't need any Saturdays or Fridday nights off.
Go for it. It isn't as if they are babies and HAVE to be with the mother.

Hi Mike,

Thanks for your responses. In answer to your questions: -

1) Yes, wife still currently in Marital Home.

2) Normally, I work 9 till 5. My employer has said they will do whatever they can to help, so some sort of flexible working is a possibility.

3) Not currently enough slack in family finances to fund a rental property for either of us. Possible that she could move in with her parents.

4) She currently receives all child benefits and Family Tax Credits. She was working 20 hohours per week until January and she increased her hours to 25 in January.

5) Divorce proceedings have started. She has petitioned for divorce but I have reluctantly agreed to divorce without admitting to the comments made within (basically, most of it was untrue and there was very little in it - my solicitor advised it may struggle to get approved by a judge).

6) No, 1927 is not the year of my birth!

Despit the above scenario, I have offered an olive branch so that we cann attempt to resolve any differences and reconcile. Unlikely, but before this whole process started I was very naive in terms of divorce law. Had not realised it was so easy to obtain and it's frustrating that not all possible avenues (such as marriage counselling) are compulsory.

Cheers, Mick

Hi James,

Thanks for your responses. I'm going to go for at least a shared parenting routine, so we'll see what happens.

Know what you mean about equal opportunities, but my employer has said that they will do whatever they can to help. Funny that divorce settlements is one area where you never hear women complaining about equal rights!

Thanks for your time.


Mick

As I see it you keep a roof over the heads of the kids you have to keep the family home as there wont be enough funds to buy another house. You ex wants to sell so where is she and the kids going to live if she has them.
Why not go for having the kids and stay in the house. Why does your ex have to only work 25 hours so she can do the school run.
What is wrong with using a child minder.
The thousands of us who have to work for a living and bring up kids have to do it and the tax creditd are generous.
It is good that your employer is prepared to be flexible.
I would go for it. Why should it be automatic that the parent with the least earning potential gets the kids simply because they are best suited to do the school run.