How to deal with an uncooperative ex

We have been divorced over a year. Consent order agreed but with a far too vague section regarding our son's activity costs.

This remains a continual source of confrontation - only via email/text as my ex is still unable to have a civil conversation with me.

I finally went to see a solicitor to get advice. Carried out the suggestion of compromise and have just received my ex's response - totally negative and unwilling to negotiate.

My confusion arises out of why he will not agree a total 'clean break' resolution (a fixed amount ­base­d on the past 18mths figures) rather than insisting on a communication every time our son wishes to participate in anything and a quarterly spreadsheet which we then have to 'discuss and agree'.

He has totally moved on - his new partner is what I had thought was my best friend - has a new home, holidays and hobbies that he would only have dreamed of when we was a family (he dropped my 3 children when he left, despite being their father for 14yrs) and yet he seems to want to continue to have a hold over me.

Why does he need to do this?

My only option is to take him to Court which is not only expensive but may not have a satisfactory outcome for either of us.

I really have no idea what to do next. I do not have somebody in my life to discuss these things with and I find them emotionally draining.

Does he see the children?

Yes, he sees our son alternate weekends. He has abandoned the older children who were mine from a previous marriage.

If I were you I wouldn't have any contact with him at all especially as he really has hit below the belt by starting a relationship with your best friend.

You would also think your friend would not want a relationship with him especially as she knows what he is like with money and the childen etc etc. But, hey ho there is nowt as queer as folk.

I would pay for the activities I could afford and send an email to your ex saying ywhat you can afford to pay for and if your son wants any more activities your son will have to ask his father direct as you no longer want any communication with him.

As for your "friend", jbin her, she is clearly no friend.

Thank you. I know you are right about just not continuing with the money issue - I guess I've been fighting the fact that he appears to 'win' every time

She clearly wasn't the good friend I had thought when I confided in her - the sad thing is it feels like another loss just when I had been recovering from the divorce.

As you say, there is nothing as strange as people...

Let him "win".

Let your "friend" have this selfish inadequate little man.

You are free now of both a horrible man and a two faced friend.

Karma has a wonderful way of settling debts, just watch and wait.

What does the consent order say?

Any agreement in a consent order regarding child maintenance only lasts a year.

Does your ex pay the CSA rate of child support?

Any contributions for additional activities etc over and above the csa rate are down to him to agree to.