Re:Agreeing contributions for lump sum gift to child

My partner had an acrimonious divorce, and the settlement involved a 55:45 split of assets in the ex-husband's favour (because of pre-marital gifts from his parents). No maintenance was payable because the assets are invested in properties which yield rents. All the children are aged over 19.

Now the ex-spouses need to arrange a lump sum donation to one of their children to fund a property purchase, and it is proving a bugg*r to agree on. Because the two ex-spouses aren't talking, the 27-year-old child has become an intermediary shuttling between the two.

The ex-husband believes a 50:50 contribution is the only fair way.

The ex-wife is arguing that, because the ex-husband was left with substantially more in the settlement, he ought to contribute substantially more. Her argument focuses on the relative surpluses remaining after his and her own needs are covered by the court award. The proportions are then much closer to 75:25.

Has anyone else had experience of deciding relative contributions, post-divorce, to substantial lump sum gifts to children?

Would it not be better for each parent to give whatever they want to give to the child.

A gift grudgenly given is surely not a gift at all.

It's a gift. Neither spouse *has* to provide anything at all.

I would suggest that your partner deals solely with his child (who at 27, is an adult) Tell child what he can afford / is willing to provide, and on what terms (i.e. is this a straight gift, is it a loan, is it an inventment in the property)

Don't ask the 'child' what his/her mother is providing. If 'child' tries to raise the issue then simply suggest that s/he discuss with his/her mother what she i able to giev, and restrict her/his discussions with your partner to what heis able to offer.

Child's mother can do the same. If the contributions are unequal, so be it.

If the total amount is less than child hoped for, so be it - he or she will need to re-think their plans as to what they can afford by way of a property.

Of cours, it would be open to your partner to suggest a mediation meeting to try to discuss this with his ex, but to be honest I don't see why what your partner gives (or lends) to his child is anything to do with his ex, or that what she gives (or lends) is anything to do with him.