Forgiveness?

I think a previous poster referred to forgiveness as a tool. One of many, which we can chose to use (if it works for us) or not.

If people chose to forgive it doesn't make it right for them and those that don't are wrong.

It is simply something that they have found it works for them.

The danger here, could be that people could start to get angry, thinking they are being told they are doing something wrong, if they have not, can not, or will not forgive, that they are missing something.

I hope this is not the case, I hope people are posting with care, in the view to help others, that others can read the views and take it or leave it. That no-one is being told what they should or shouldn't be doing.

I've recently had a baby and believe me everyone from families to folk in the supermarket are telling me what I should be doing with my baby, and I get to cherry pick the info and discard the bits I don't want or need. The difficult bit is when someone gets persistent that their way is right, thats when I get cross.

Anyway - I digress

I can say forgiveness in whatever form or interpretation - if it works for you - great! If it doesn't - no worries.



Move over Ban Ki Moon

WhiteRose wrote:

I can say forgiveness in whatever form or interpretation - if it works for you - great! If it doesn't - no worries.



Move over Ban Ki Moon

I couldnt agree more Mrs Moon

Its just a tool. One of many. Some can rid them selves of the pain and hate using Yoga for one thing. And Yoga is just another tool. Even acupuncture I have heard works also. So there are lots of things to try.

But what ever tool you use that works for you, cool-o-mondo. I am with you. C.

I think Mwahppet has got it - for me at least and for now. I don't want to forgive but to dismiss them would maybe do it. I won't forgive but look forward to dimissing them as irrelevent and dysfunctional....maybe.

Forgiveness means something different to each person that is very clear.

To me forgiveness has to be deserved an accident can be forgiven, if asked for & the person that is asking is truly sorry then yes maybe.

But an act that is premeditated with no repentance then sorry no, that is an unforgivable betrayal of trust.

Do I think not forgiving my ex holds be back? No, he never said sorry or asked me to forgive him. Due to some of his actions my life is held in state of limbo that will never move forward but I will deal with that in the best way that I can.

Because I don’t forgive my ex that does mean that I hate him? No, that is far to strong an emotion for how I feel about him. Today he is just somebody that I used to know.

If it makes you feel better to forgive then that is a choice that you make but there are many that quite rightly find it impossible to do so.

Forgiveness is not a right it has to be earned & deserved.

It took me 15 years to accept that my Mum divorced my Dad for another woman. I went through alot of christian ­base­d questioning in that time. I will NEVER forgive her, but have accepted that she is happy.

As for my own mistakes, after failing twice I need to forgive myself never mind him!

Why should I forgive a man who terrified his step son without ever touching him, why should I forgive a man who chose not to be a father at all because it was too emotionally draining.

Yes he pays maintenance,whoop-de-do. He chose to hit his son so hard at the age of 2, for playing with a bag of flour outside, that when I came home 2 hours later his hand print was still visible.

How do you forgive a man who had an abusive mother and chose to carry on that abuse to his own kids, to a lesser degree, but still abuse. He knew it was wrong, but he still chose to do it.

Never will I forgive him for abandoning his son, just because he didn't want to be a part time father!!!!!!!!

I won't forgive the betrayal, lies, verbal and emotional abuse. When my sons are married I will make damn sure their houses will be in MY name. No son of mine will ever go through what I have gone through.

I will never forgive my ex not only did he tell me over the phone with a load of people in the room but also left me to deal with all the aftermarth while he hid at his parents....bloody coward....even got my daughter to do his dirty work.....forgiveness no way!