Five (5)

Its a special day today. I have hit the big 5. I am 5 today, and its 5 years since I left.

I always celebrate today in some way and part of that celebration is this post. On wicki.

I could have done it as a blog. I am a timex watch in a digital age.. So would rather fire it up here let it clunk down the list and its gone.

I am not going to mention my breakup. I am bored with it now. And as far as I am concerned, that is done and dusted. I have moved on in lots of ways...

I have moved twice in the last 5 years. And where I am is all about the new me. The person that is 5 today My home is a 2 bed flat that I have occupied for some 18 months. Its home to me. Perhaps only the second place in my life that I can call home. I cant say that I will always live there. Its where I am for now. And that is as far as it goes for now.

At the start of my latest journey on the 30th of November 2006, I was worried. Worried that I would just fade away. Worried that all that my ex said would come true. And sure the early days were tough.

Learning to live alone and look after myself. I didn’t want to live like a monk. One plate, one knife and spoon etc etc. So I didn’t start out like that. My bed is kingsize and I put out 2 sets of pilliows. And I sleep one side. I do have more than 1 of everything. I live a normal life. But I do live alone. Many think this is sad. I think its great.. I will tell you why.

I don’t have to suffer someone knicking the covers off me. I don’t have to make excuses for coming home late. In fact I don’t have to come home at all if I don’t want to (more on that later). I can watch what I want when I want. I can read what I want. When I want. I can listen to what I want. Anytime I want. I can even eat toast in bed and watch telly or eat Jelly in the bath and listen to the radio at the same time if I want. So for me this is all great.

A couple of times, when I worked in the big smoke, I didn’t get off at my stop on a Friday night. I just kept going. Got off somewhere and just stayed the weekend.. Imagine that? Imagine trying to do that if I was in a relationship?

I know that the single life is not for everyone. And I am not so stupid to realise that this life will end one day when I meet someone that knocks my socks off. I may do. But I am not ruling anything in or out of my life. Its all up for grabs. And I will wait and see where life leads me.

I did have a few relationships in the early days. I wasn’t ready. They wasn’t right for me. I wasn't right for them. I didn’t know what I wanted. I tried to replace what I had with someone new. You cant. It didn’t work. Now I don’t bother. I leave it to chance.

My theory is this. Ke sera sera, (What will be will be). And I leave the rest to fate. This process has taught me many things. Its taught me not to worry about the things I cant change. So if I meet someone, I do. If I don’t, then so what. What ever happens, I know I will be OK.

I have friends now. Both male and female. I never had friends before. I wasn’t allowed them I think in case one of them told me the truth. Not allowed the truth. My friends are my life. Never again will I allow anyone to dictate to me about friends.

Before I was sleep walking to my end. Now I am living my life. How I want. And if I want to come home, shut my door knowing that its just me that allows anyone to pass over that doorstep. No one else.

I cook. I have been to some realy great places. And for the 1st time, this year I will be away for xmas.

The real purpose of this post is to give those that are starting out that there is an end to what you are facing right now. I wont lie, it will be tough. It was tough for me at the start. But I got on OK. And so will you. No matter if you are in yr 20’s or in yr 70’s. Its the same. There is life after all this. Ok it wont be the same. But one door closes and another opens.

Lastly, I have found peace. A few times I have sat on a beach in Wales just looking at the sea and felt it. Or been at home and thought to myself, I have utter utter peace. I never had that before when I was married. It was all just one great big problem. Now, the only problems I really have are the ones that everyone else has. And if I can do this and do so well in 5 years, so can you.

This is a message from your future. Its here. Waiting for you. All you have to do is reach out and want it bad enough and its yours. C.

Happy You Day, Marshy

I "get" this post; 3 days ago, I was 4. Im only a year behind you Marshy, but am catching you up

There's no doubt that the ending of a marriage is a dark, lonely, distressing place to be. We can either curl up and die completely, or we can unfurl and take heart from people like Marshy, and know that life hasn't ended, just life as we once knew it.

Like Marshy, I've moved, made new friends, accepted new challenges and found a peace that I thought I would never find.

But this is Marshy's day, not mine and I know that he has helped so many people while dealing with his own stuff. Thank you, you have made a real difference, and I owe you big time

Happy days Marshy! What a fantastic post. Inspirational - you too RubyT.

As I'm typing this, I can see a beautiful rainbow over where my little girl's school is (yes I live that close) and it reminds me that there is life after separation and divorce.

I guess I'm still in that dark lonely place, plodding on and trying to make the best of things - one spoon, one fork? Gosh, know how that feels. People will have seen my earlier post about discovering ex had been having an affair and continues to do so - I see the rainbow, think of my beautiful daughter and everything else melts away.

Don't want a relationship right now - haven't got it in me, but maybe I will someday. I believe in things coming up and presenting themselves - I do think though that one has to be a little proactive about it, otherwise it's going to be a long wait perhaps.

Happy Big 5 Marshy - you've earned it I'm sure. A great way to celebrate by putting such a brilliant post up for other Wikis (like me) - Many happy returns.

Happy 5 Day,
What a great post, just what i needed today.
Thank you.

Happy you day Marshy. You have been such a help to me on here and to so many others, it is good to read your post, gives me hope, there is light at the end of the tunnel. At the moment mine is a speck...but it's there..
Have a great 5 day xxxx Thank you xxxx

Lol r u still here
HRH xx

Happy 5 day Marshy and all the rest to follow!
I look forward to my 5 day and hope that the black days will all be a distant memory