ex wife out of control

Just before xmas I discovered my wife was having an affair. We had just moved into a new house and had spent the last 9 months looking for a new home and talking about our long term plans together, so it came as a real shock.

When I found out about the affair she said she didn't want to try and reconcile our marriage, even though we have a 2 children under 5 years. She gave a me 4 weeks to move out, while she kept all our belongings and I took on all our debts.

I then found out she was pregnant and didn't know if I was the father, but she terminated the pregnancy and refused to discuss it with me.

Now she is regularly pressuring me to stay at her house overnight with the children (I haven't found suitable accommodation for the children to stay with me yet). I don't want to stay over as I find it upsetting, but have said I'm happy t babysit until midnight anytime.

While she's out she's taking cocaine (good to know where my maintenance payments are going) and drinking until 8 in the morning so when she comes back late Sunday afternoon she's still hungover and she's tried to sleep with several of my good friends.

A number of friends have spoken to me about her behaviour and how inappropriate it is for someone with young children to be out all weekend every weekend getting so wrecked. And my friends she has tried to sleep with have all spoken to me to assure me that they wouldn't do anything to harm my friendship with them.

I'm really at the end of my tether. If I try to talk to her about it she accuses me of being controlling and has threatened to move back to her home country of Sweden, taking the children with her.

She won't go to Counselling with me, I've asked friends to have a word with her but it doesn't seem to have made much difference.

HELP I'm going under

globalloon,

She is completely out of control. Are your children safe with her?

Do you have family close by who could help out with childcare?

Personally, I would recommend that you start divorce proceedings - she can't be reasoned with - and make your intentions clear on the care of the children - i.e. that YOU will be primary carer for them.

Once proceedings are underway, should she try to go home to sweden with the children, you can take out a prohibited steps order to stop her doing this.

Do you have any influence or sway with her family back in Sweden? Could you talk to someone on her side of the fence to try to get her to see sense?

If you keep paying money, she will keep spending it. You have to take control for both of your sakes and for the sake of your children's well being. She has lost the plot.

Sorry, seems a bit grim, but I think you know this yourself.

Mike

So you have tried to talk to her. You have tried counseling and you moved out. I would move back in and start divorce proceedings.

Make a note of what goes on with her using. Dates times and so on. You could dob her in for the using and it would get her arrested. I think possesion of class A is 7 years. She is running a big risk here.

Have you any idea why she has done all this? Death in the familiy? C.

thanks for your replies

I've started divorce proceedings already

I think her parenting during the week is ok so the children are safe as long as they are with me during the weekends. I can't bring myself to battle to be primary carer. The children are so young and attached to her, they don't deserve the trauma, plus I work full time so they would have to go to a child minder. I'm seeing them before and after work most days and all weekend so I know they're ok.

I don't really want to move back in for 2 reasons. First, because I'm already in the process of renovating what will be my new home and it will be somewhere that my children can come and live with me in the not too distant future

Second, if I move back in with my Ex I feel she will likely be out every night and I work full time so can't be there for the children during the day. At least at the moment if she's only out at the weekend I can make sure the children are well looked after by me.

She's poisoned her family against me, she's turned some friends against me (although they seem to be drifting back one by one). She's tried to poison my own Mother against me, telling her I'm nasty to the children, when I'm nothing but loving and devoted to them.

Her reason for doing all this? "I want to have some fun, we were too young when we met"... she was 23 and is now 30.

I think keeping a diary / note of all this will be useful if it does come to court.

You sure that we were not married to the same woman?

Your story sounds exactly the same as mine. When we first seperated she was out on the pull and sleeping with anyone that took an interest. Overninght she tried to pretend that I didnt even exist after a 16year relationship together. Her guilt at ruining our family, hidden away, she could only blame me for the downfall. We are now a year and half down the line and only now is she beginning to accept responsibility for her actions. I was nothing but a good husband and father but the grass is always greener....