Falling in love again after long marriage??

Why do we fall in love? The world is full of good-looking, pretty, kind, nice, decent people but we can't fall in love with them all.

I'm not sure I know what "falling in love" means anyway. How is it different from lust and infatuation? Love is a more long-lasting emotion.

Emotions aren't rational and we can't force them to order, because if we could we'd all stay happily married, wouldn't we?

I think you need to be honest with your lady. It may be that you can enjoy eachother's company as long as neither of you are expecting or forcing it to mean more.

I've been separated from my husband nearly 19 months now and I am not looking to find someone else. I don't care about him anymore but I do care about being hurt or hurting someone else.

hi keekin,

I think you may have put up some kind of barrier to protect yourself from falling in love again?

How long have you been separated?

Girlie

Thanks girlie. Perhaps I am protecting myself...... not sure..... though I am pretty sure that I would like to meet someone and be part of a couple again.
I was married for 30 years, so maybe 15 months after parting is too soon for my brain to be able to fall in love?
I am serious about wondering if ones mind does actually need to shut down ones emotions in order to reduce the pain/stress/anxiety BUT this desirable protective measure may make it harder to experience real positive emotions such as love until we heal.

Any psychologists of lurve out there with ideas?

It may possibly be that I am no longer capable of love. Full stop.
Or is the "love" we experience in teens and twenties actually only a complication of physical desire?

Getting cynical here - someone tell me to stop it and be a believer again (in love)!!

Thanks for your help so far - it IS helping. Sorry if there are too many questions in this post.

Can I just say what a sensible bunch you lot are!!!
Some very sound thinking and warm hearted responses.

RESPECT to you,
Leeken

Hi

I was married for 32 years, and will have been dv for 2 years in March. I am now emotionally fully functional and feel 20 years younger to boot.

It just takes time.

Best wishes

Shelia

Hi leeken,

I've been thinking about you and may be just enjoy this lady without thinking about falling in love. Being married for 30 years is a life time - I too would have been married 30 years (I was a child bride HEHE!)

Best of luck
Girlie

Hi Leeken,
I have only just revisited this website and its been well over a year. I started my divorce when I found my wife of 19 years cheating on me, with a friend back in 2007!
I am now thankfully through to the otherside, in my own house, and see my children on a regular basis... and dating a fantastic woman, which I never expected would happen.
Now I realise it could have never have worked with my ex, and if I had the guts should have done things sooner, but just stayed together for our childrens sake.
I am so much happier now, our children are benifiting from two lots of everything and they now understand that we could not of stayed together and they are happy for us and settled back into normal lives and are doing realy well in their school/ college.
I am now very poor financialy but rich in love. You never know when it will happen but it will.

Keith