Falling in love again after long marriage??

Divorce came through this week, after a long and (I thought) reasonably good marriage. Wife was 10 years younger, she had major mid-life crisis, became financially independent, no-one else, she just wanted out.
Soooooooo.... my question is..... anyone experienced falling in love again after a long marriage?
How long after the split did it take before you were "ready" for a deep relationship? Before you could fall in love again?

I have dated a bit, and now met someone who is very nice natured and attractive. BUT after several months, nothing is happening in the love part of my brain!! Does the mind shut down parts of it to enable it to cope with the bad "lows" of sadness and lonliness - which have indeed subsided - BUT that means it ALSO shuts down the "highs" as well??????

Is it a bit like a sort of natural anti-depressant which stop the lows, but ALSO the highs??

Hope this is making sense....
Do I need to talk to a therapist? Or have I just not met the right person, yet?
Any experiences or ideas welcome, thanks.

I left my husband after 18 years because I wasn't in love with him and we were miserable together... I was happily single for 6 years... then when I wasn't looking for it I fell in love...

It'll happen but not when you're looking...

Thanks for that - so many people say just the same thing about coming across someone when one is not looking!

Trouble is, us males often get that "fix it" mentality, where we are used to doing things at work or wherever in order to "sort things out". So I am, I guess, trying to "sort out" my life. I am a lot happier than I was, and I now think I could probably live on my own forever, but I still miss someone to share life with. Going out, holidays, talking through things at the end of the day - I miss all those - so my tendency is to look for someone to do those with.......

BUT, having met someone who is so lovely natured and pretty sexy...... nothing is happening emotionally!!! That is why I am wondering if it is maybe too soon to expect to feel love again..... do emotions take "time out"??

Thanks again.

Leeken

Although I am female I have been told i have a "male" brain in that I will analyse and solve a problem then move on without displaying any emotional response. I don't believe men don't have the same deep emotional responses and reactions that women do but simply that their programming allows them to respond notwithstanding that response.

I think of it as a caveman response, it's no use the caveman running away in blind panic every time he sees a wild animal or there would never be dinner on the table. The cave woman however sees a wild animal and instinctively responds emotionally gathering up the children and protecting them.

I don't think your brain has shut down, although it will certainly be wary (once bitten twice shy) I think you fall in love again when you meet the right one for you. Sometimes it takes years (((Ephelia))) in my case only two years (although with hindsight I was not in love with my stbx husband for a long time before we split,I just hadn't realised) and sometimes people fall out of love with their spouse and then in love with someone else before the spouse has been told. It has been said many times on this site that one person in a divorce is often weeks, months or even years behind the other.

I don't think you need counselling, but sadly I don't think your new lady is your new love (but would be very happy to be proved wrong ). That doesn't mean that you can't enjoy the relationship for what it is, as long as you are both honest with each other about your feelings.

A full, wise, and gracious reply.
Thank you.

Ursa Major wrote:
Although I am female I have been told i have a "male" brain in that I will analyse and solve a problem then move on without displaying any emotional response. I don't believe men don't have the same deep emotional responses and reactions that women do but simply that their programming allows them to respond notwithstanding that response.

We have the same brains. We have different hormones and differnt parts. But we are more or less the same. In fact we are 80% the same as every living thing on the planet. As our dna is 80% the same. Genome project is to blame for that.

I know plenty of women that act this way. Your just analytical is all. Thats part of you.

You will be surprised to know that most of what women say and do men do. Well some of them. So we are the same. Mostly.

If you dont feel the Lurrrrve feelings then you dont. Thats becuase your not in lurrrve. End of. You cant force it. You cant make yourself lurrrrve someone. It just happens.

In the 3 years I have been on my own I have had loads of dates. Most of them are friends now. It just didnt happen for me. Dont mean it wont. Just means it hasnt. Thats it.

If it happens one day it happens. If it never happens then it dont. I think thats the only way you can look at it. Doing other wise set you up for a fall. C.

WOW Leeken i could have written your posts,i am in the same boat.I was married for a long time but now divorced and have met a lovely,sexy,relaxed woman but the feelings,the gut response is not thereand i am afraid it was me but it must be a human thing.I am not sure if i want too carry on the relationship as i do not want to hurt this fine lady so i am giving it time,being honest with my thoughtd to her and will wait to see what happens.