How much is enough

facebooked wrote:
No I am saying I should not pay for my ex to take them on holiday. If she chooses to do that then she pays from her own money. When I take the kids away she does not give me money. I have to feed / clothe and look after them I do not get any money.

Your calculations are Completely flawed and not relevant.

Total from CSA and half mortgage that I give. and I do not live there is £1100 a month.

I will not underwrite the ex's life style.

You cannot take all bills add them together and divide by three. There is a ­base­ element that must be paid if one or more stay in a house.

Actually you do get a reduction in your CSA of one seventh for each over night you have them so your £550 already includes that reduction and is ­base­d on your income not hers.

Why do you pay the mortgage if it's not detailed in a court order and there's no financial benefit to you? What steps are you taking to rectify it?

6 months ago you were paying it voluntarily until it was sold because anything that was made back on it you were splitting 50/50.

If my calculations are flawed perhaps instead of making a wild statement that they are and as you already have the expenditure and income figures for your ex actually state how much the total is and how much you consider your childrens share actually is? and show a break down of how you get your figures?

From my perspective I know how much running my household costs in total and the fact that I have one 15 year old boy live with me full timeand won't stay with his mother overnight because of past problems and she only pays £140 a month via the CSA which she begrudges totally Is this fair? No because his share comes to far far more. His brother I have half the time and his sister occasionally.

On top of this I pay SM to her because she lied repeatedly to the courts and thumb screws wouldn't get any info out of her and the SM isn't counted in either the calculation I pay the other household or as an income for her calculation.

T

I pay the mortgage because if I dont then the house would be repo'd. I do not want bad credit against my name for my job.

There is an amount that children need to be looked after. This should be the amount paid. Like you I have expenses to pay. Yes I can go to the CSA and reduce by 1/7 but if I do that then she will default on the mortgage. We have looked into transferin the whole thing into her name but they will not have it.

I think £550 a month CSA even if you reduce by 1/7 is still too much. I also put money away for the kids and but presents / take them out etc etc.

So if I double my wages at some point she should get £1100 a month for the kids. NO WAY.

I'm paying 20% of my income even though the ex has a bigger income than me, I took on all our joint debts and have had to start again from scratch, with no home or furniture

And it wasn't my decision to end the marriage

I get diddly squat from my stbx. He refuses to contribute because I earn more. I pay all the mortgage and every child related expense. Beleive me it is expensive. It's not just about clothes and a roof over their heads. It's also about All the little things that add up over the month to slot of money. I'm proud that I'm managing on my own but that doesn't get away from the fact that he should be paying towards his children. I'm sick of fathers who think that paying the bear minimum is all they need to do. I'll be lucky if after divorce I get more than 200 per month from him. school dinners and pocket money and phones cost 100 a month alone so I'll have another 100 a month towards food, clothes activities etc. Plus I'll have a 110k mortgage after paying him out. I don't eRn a huge amount do how can that've fair. You have children together you should take responsibilty for them and respects exs. Trying to get your own back on the ex via money is not jn the best interests of the kids. My ex couldn't be bothered of we have no where to live as long as he gets a nice hefty sum. Oh and I don't fritter. I rarely buy myself clothes or go out socially while he wears designer clothes and goes on nights out quite a few times a week. Hardly fair

The way I look at cm is that for 2 kids the ex pays 20% and so he gets 80% - who do you think is better off then.

Also, had he stayed surely he would have paid more into family household on account of kids, ie.

Broadband
Mobile Phones
Bus fares to school
Haircuts
School trips
Clothes
Nights out
School Uniform
BT land line (for XBOX 360)

I could go on and on, but from where I am the 20% only covers the bare minimum for the needs of the children.

Hey ho, fathers must really need the remaining 20% to fund their new life style.

Hear hear.

Thank you for your comments. It us good to see debate. Each case is different though. My ex gets more money than me and housing benefit. Trust me I am on a good wage. I collect and drop the kids off. I also have to provide clothes , food, entertainment , mobiles etc. Yet I am painted with the same brush. U also soaked up tens id thousands of pounds of her debt. Had massive solicitors bills. Finding out that the reason she would not give me more access was because I would have the ability to drop her money ( this was from her) that she has a lifestyle she wants to keep. No that is greed and not what my kids need. They need to be shown respect, how to be good people , earn things not assume they are a right. And before anyone shoots me down. Kids need love not cash. BTW I have accounts setup for them both that. A lot of money for a into that they will get when they are older. They want for nothing with me but again must earn it. Too many parents are soft because other kids have something. So what be a kid, don't. Wear make-up and and dress older. Be seen and not heard lol.