Re:how long does it take?

Hi.
I was granted decree nisi last June and am still waiting for a court date!
I applied for legal aid(3 times!)and am still waiting to see if I qualify.
Tis has put a tremendous strain on my remaining family and they(2 sons aged 23 and 28) want me to book a court date to finalise things.
I understand that I will be entitled to a portion of my exH's pension as we were married for 28 yrs.
I am raising our 9 yr old daughter and he has no contact (her choice.)
Should I just go ahead and book a court date to finalise things? (I could borrow money from my mum to do this.)
My sons both have said that they want closure and that their lives are on hold until this is sorted and I feel very guilty and conflicted.
Any advice?

Hi, I sympathise with your situation and the stress it puts on the whole family. From reading these forums I gather the time varies depending on how busy your local courts are. Personally i would want closure and would try to get things moving for all your sakes. Although I appreciate this might be easier said than done. Good luck! B

Stop feeling guilty. This is not about "closure" for your family. Not sure how old your sons are or why their lives are on hold, but that's their issue. This is your divorce. Of course this affects your children, but don't allow them to sway what you do about your life.

Ending the marriage is the easy bit, the difficult bit is sorting out the finances and while it is tempting to want to get it over and done with you do want to make sure you have a fair settlement. Have you applied for ancillary relief?

Have you chased up the legal aid? Might be worth giving them a call to find out what the hold up is?

Do you need to go to court or could you try mediation? If you can reach an agreement without the need for a final hearing it will speed up the whole process.

Stay strong xx

It doesn't hurt to chase the LSC and try and get a name so you speak to the same person each time, it does take a while.

If you want a pension share and this is not on offer then you will need a financial order from court, if you want to use a solicitor then its a case of waiting for the outcome from the LSC or paying as a private client which as i`m sure you know can be very expensive.

Before you can apply for a financial order from court you will need to complete a mediation assessment to decide is this is suitable for court.

Thanks.
I think the sol.has applied for ancillary relief but I will have to check this!
My sons are 23 and 26- they were there for me when my world fell apart and are keen to see me divorced.They have no contact with their father and tell people he is dead.
My oldest son(bi-polar)lives with his father and OW and spectacularly messed up his life a year ago-dui and a girl almost died.( They refuse to acknowledge him too.)
My oldest daughter has some contact with her father and so my sons have also cut her out.
I am so sad and exhausted by this- I do want the divorce but I don't think it will make any difference to the family dynamics.
I don't want to fall out with my sons as it would break my heart to lose them as well.
I just wish they would stop using the divorce as a way of avoiding living their lives!
The future looks very bleak.

OK, you have the practicalities of chasing up legal aid and getting action on the finances.

But the emotional stuff - don't let your children blame you for their problems. They are adults and need to start behaving like adults. Whether or not you and your ex are actually divorced shouldn't affect how they feel about either you or their father.

I don't see that they need to put their lives on hold - tell them to go for whatever they want to do.

The future won't be bleak - you can build a life for yourself. It's scary but also exciting to be starting again.