Dipping a toe in the water

Hi All,

I am new to this site. I registered because I feel stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea at the moment.

My husband and I have had serious issues for a while now but the last six weeks have really made me take stock of my life. We have an 1 year old as well. I want to make sure that I am making the right decision before I push forward either with a seperation leading to divorce or the committment to stay together.

I know very little about divorce and the process involved. I do know what I would want at the end of it. I don't want to lose my son. I want reasonable financial support for my son from my husband and I want to walk away with my savings (I hold the majority in savings). I don't expect to come up against much of an argument to be honest.

My main question is how do you know you are making the right choice?

I am sure that this is the question everyone asks and no one can catagorically answer.

Thanks for reading this. Fifi100

You're right that its a difficult question to answer but its harder without more information! You would need to give people an idea of how old you both were, how long you've been married, the value of the house, the savings, your pensions etc.

How marital assets are apportioned depends on a number of factors but if you post this sort of information you will get some very experienced replies.

Good luck with your decision making.

hi Fifi,
welcome to wiki.though very sad to find you here.
For you to even think of divorce with such a young family there must be something seriously wrong.
There are somethings that can be put right if you both really want it and work at it.A child does put a lot of strain in a marriage and need a lot of readjusting on both sides.If there is no abuse or infidelity getting back on track is a real posibility.
AS far as your child goes,"it is better to come from a broken home than living in one".
you know how good a home it will be with and without the dad everydad there.
But being together and you being unhappy will not be a stable bacground.
Divorce whether you want it or not is very hard path,but given a choice I will do it before your son is old enough to suffer the emotional of the upevil.
Write a pros and cons ,it should help you to decide.
Just one little advice- make sure that your money is secure as you never know if the D ball starts rolling how things will develop.Never understimate your partner.
On my side we both did to Horrific outcome.
Keep in here,you will get different opinions but all very constructive.What ever you decide you will have the support.
good luck

Hi Fifi, I'm afraid only you have the answer to your question but I guess that if you are looking around the web at divorce you may of already made your mind up.

Divorce is very hard and very emotional, it has it's high's and it's low's and you will doubt the decision you made (whatever it is) at some stage.

I guess you need to ask yourself a few questions

Is the marriage worth saving?

Do you BOTH want to save it?

Would ''relate'' help ?

Divorce is very scary at first but you will be supported all the time here by fellow Wiki's.

Hi Fifi and welcome to wiki. This is a hard one and it has to be your decision so dont rush into anything, try to discuss how you feel with your husband if that possible. Its such a shame as you have a little one to consider. Hope it works out and also hope to see you in chat where you can discuss how you feel with other members. We are very friendly and you will find others in similar situations.

take care

Saffy xxx

Thank you for you reply.

I am 32 and we married nearly 3 years ago. The money that we have invested in our home is from my savings. I also have Unit Trusts. My husband runs his own business but has no savings that I am aware of. He has some pretty significant credit outstanding that he took out whilst we were together (not married) and that he did behind my back. I only found out about this 6 months ago when we were applying for a joint mortgage. We lived in my house before then. One of my reasons is that he is financially irresponsible.

I did plough @£20K into his business earlier this year when it needed the cash injection but I did not have any formal agreement -I have copy emails etc confirming that he owes the money. I have pretty much written this off.

My main concern is my child. I want to make sure that I am doing the right thing for him. My parents divorced but so far as I can recall treated each other with respect and dignity (more than I am getting at the moment I might add!!!) and I would want that to be the same for my husband and I. I want our son to live with me and for us to have agreed terms with regards to access and financial support.

We bought the house very recently. It is in need of work but currently is worth only £180K -once the work has been done should be @£250K... assuming the markets do not freefall.

There are no pensions involved.

My husband claims to have a property in a city but this has turned out to be a lie (apparently) -another reason for my consideration of divorce. The lies not the lack of a flat!

I have finally plucked up the courage to speak to my father about this as I feel it has come to a time now whereby I need to know what support I have from family and what their take is on it. My mother in law has been very supportive and I hope that she would continue to be so. I do know however, that she can be very clever if need be and so am proceeding with caution. My mother is unwell and so I cannot speak to her.

I relocated hundreds of miles away and left a very good job to live with my husband (@7 years ago before we were married) to support him and his business. I have made a life for myself here and would stay here for the immediate future until I have sorted myself out. I am not rushing into making any choices but I am very very worried that my choice is selfish and will impact negagtively on my son.

ps. we have tried relate but the same issues keep coming up

I feel that I am the one doing all the trying and I wanted to save our marriage but I can't do it on my own.

I have lost respect for him.