Re:Clueless and Panicking!

My greatest concern is that if you are already feeling your life has been restricted since the birth of your daughter is that life as a single mum will be even more so.My suggestion would be to try and improve the life you have now before making any drastic changes.Do you have supportive friends or family who you can turn to? If not I think trying to build up a social network would be a good thing to aim for.This would help whatever the future is for your marriage and would be vital if you do seperate.
I do think you need to have a very frank discussion with your husband about your true feelings but perhaps having an initial session with Relate by yourself might be best.
You were quite young when you married and I wonder why you felt the need to hide the real you from your husband.Was this always the case,even from the very beginning?I think you probably need to address this so that you can move forward in your life whatever your future may be.
I do feel for you because it's so sad to be feeling as you do,trapped and unhappy,but think you need to be in a much stronger ­frame­ of mind before you make such a major decision.Going it alone is not easy for anyone and very hard with a young child to care for on your own.If you are determined to do it try and do it from a position of strength with a support network around you.
XXXX

I know things will be very difficult for me and my daughter but I really have thought long and hard about this and I'm sure doing the right thing.

Hi Londongirl

I won't question you as to why you want to split up with your husband but I can tell you I can relate to everything you say in your posts.

I have made the big decision to divorce my husband and go it alone with 3 children. I am young like you (32) and decided that I could no longer go on leading a life that was to be frank making me bloody miserable. I believe and have found out that being on your own is not as bad as some people make out. Yes it is hard being a single mum, but I have far more time to myself now than I did during the 12 years of my relationship.

I thought long and hard for years whether it would be the best decision for me and my children to leave and so far after 9 months I can say it has. The children have had some emotional adjustments to make but I feel that they benefit far greater from having a happy mum around. They also get to spend quality time with their dad now which they never did before.

Life won't be the same without your husband but it won't be any worse - you will be in control on how you live and creating your own happiness.

My husband did not take the news particularly well and smashed up items around the house when he realised that I would not change my mind. I would advise you if possible to have someone in the house when you tell him. They don't have to be in the same room, just another room. That would help things from escalating. Be clear and to the point about the reasons that you are wanting a split and be prepared for the emotional roller coaster that will follow for both of you. Yes even though you want the split you will still question yourself from time to time, especially when you see how hurt your husband is.
One of the best things I ever did after my split was go to Relate on my own to help talk things through with someone independent. This really helped me move forwards and maybe something you wish to consider.
Good luck and keep posting if you need any more advice.

I wont post on what others have said as essentially they have said all I would have said. But all I can say is be sure of what you are doing. As he sounds like a good man and I know you dont love him but as anyone on here will tell you, good men are hard to find. As essentially what you are doing is handing your good man to someone that will love him.

What I would do is go to Relate or somewhere and just spend a few weeks talking to them and getting yr head round totaly what you want to do and what you hope to gain from what you intend to do. At the end of yr sessions, you could ask yr husband along and as part of this process, if you still want to seperate, this can be managed and he is in a place where he can express himself, and deal with what is about to happen to him.

Bottom line here. He hasnt done anything nasty to you. U have just fallen out of love with him. And a baby was always going to change you. It changes everyone. But you owe him the opertunity to allow him an easy exit. Not just be told and be utterly devastated. Imagine how you would feel if the tables were turned.

Lastly... Be totaly sure of what you want to do and achieve before you do anything at all. Seperation and divorce is an awful place to be. For both of you. C.