Clueless and Panicking!

Hi I've been married for 5 1/2 years and have a 2 1/2 year old daughter. I have had trouble in my marriage since she was born and now I feel like I have come to the end of the road and I do not feel anything for him at all. I dread him coming home from work every night I hate him coming anywhere near me...
My problem is he is ridiculously loyal and says he wants to be with me forever, I fear he won't accept it when I tell him I want to separate I'm frightened he will react so badly from the shock and leave with my daughter. But I simply cannot go on anymore, I feel like I'm living a double life.

I would love some advice on how to go about telling him I don't love him and want to separate without completely devastating him. I fear this is impossible!

Hi London Girl, Were things ok with your relationship before your baby was born?Is there any possibility that you could be suffering from Depression because this would seriously affect how you are feeling towards your husband.
My gut feeling is that perhaps you should seek some help from somewhere like Relate before you take such a huge step as Seperation/Divorce.Having a loyal,caring partner is a huge plus especially with a child to bring up.
Perhaps just telling your husband how you are feeling and trying to fix things between may be the way to go.When you ask if there is an easy way to break the news that you want to seperate I would say the answer is no.It is always devastating no matter how it is said.
Please try and get some help for all of your sakes.
xxx

Hi Londongirl,

Firstly, do you know WHY you feel like this?

You mention "trouble" but is he hitting you or being unpleasant to you?

Have you been feeling depressed at all since the birth of your baby?

Reason I'm asking this is because you married him so you must have loved him then.

What changed?

Also could you mention your age if that's OK?

LW

(Ooops..livinginhope posted a second before me.)

Thank you for your reply
I have suffered post natal depression but I've since had therapy for it and i feel that it's not a factor anymore.Also, we had problems long before she came along, the reason why it's worse now is that i really changecd after having my daughter. i felt huge resentment towards him being able to go back to a "normal" life whereas i felt stuck at home and lonely and going through a complete life change, i then started to really behave like the "real me" which i had never done before, i have always tried to be someone else with him, and to try and please him and be who he wanted me to be, but now i know i'm being me and this is what the problem is - we are completely incomaptible
I am 100% sure that things cannot be resolved between us, because essentially, i do not love him anymore.
i think he really believes that all the issues in our relationship stem from my depression, it's like he's waiting for me to go back to how i was before I had my daughter but I just can't. I'm not prepared to live a lie anymore.
I feel like this must make me incredibly selfish but I know if i stayed, i would never be happy and my daughter would be affected by this.

hi
thank you for your meaage,
no he's not hitting me r being unpleasant. i can't really fault him at all but i do nt love him.

i think i answered some of your questions in my reply to , i hope it makes sense, sorry i am a bit all over the place at the moment..

my age is 30.

Hi Londongirl,

So where do you envisage yourself being with regard to accommodation/ lifestyle say in 6 months time if you separate?

You'll still have to be at home with your daughter surely?
But you'll be all on your own with possible financial pressures plus the stress of divorce proceedings .

Have you really thought all this through?

LW

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