Divorce after 30 years.

Hi Everyone
I've been married for 30 years and in that time we have had many ups and downs. But just lately my husband seems to think its okay just to do as he pleases (taking holidays without me) and assume I will just put up and shut up. I care for our daughter who has mental issues and my father who has recently had heart problems. Therefore I have no income. I truly believe my husband thinks he can now do what he likes to me and I will do nothing as I rely on him entirely financially. I don't know how I would stand moneywise in a divorce as I gave up my career for the children and now have become a fulltime carer without any financial payment.I worry also what effect this will have on my daughters wellbeing. Any advice would be gratefully received.

As this is a long marriage the starting point is to split everything 50:50. However, as your needs appear to be greater than your husbands you can seek more then half of the matrimonial pot. This would include a provision for the continuing care required for your daughter.

A lot will depend upon how much the matrimonial pot is worth and the type of assets held in the pot.

You really need to seek legal advice to explore your options and the prevent your husband from dissipating assets if you feel that he would be inclined to do so.

Funding of any court case would be a problem but there are options available although these vary from firm to firm. You may be entitled to public funding (legal aid) but this will depend upon your income and the amount of equity in your property.

Charles

Hello Lesley,

Before you consider divorce have you considered mediation or even just sitting down with your husband and discussing how his actions affect you? If not this is definately the first step. It may be that you require an independant person to assist negotiations.

If you have exhausted these avenues and wish to consider a divorce Charles is quite right in his preliminary advice although it may be best for you to see if you can get a free half an hour consultation or if indeed you are eligible for legal aid. Feel free to message me at any time if you need any more detail

Hamilton

Hello Hamilton
Thanks for you reply..I have no income at all at the moment I live off any benefits my daughter can spare me..I receive no benefits myself as my husband earns to much for me to be entitled. Think my main priority has to be my daughters welfare. Mediation is NOT an option as he refuses to speak to me at all.

Lesley

Lesley, is your H a high earner?

Lesley,

On the basis of what you have said I do not think that you would be entitled to legal aid however if your husband is a high earner it may be best to obtain a free consulatation. Many firms will agree to defer payment until the conclusion of the financial settlement as long as you are able to obtain a small loan to pay for disbursements such as barristers fees and court fees. Any solicitor acting for you should also make an application for maintenance pending suit pretty much immediately if your husband refuses to provide you with maintenance during the course of the divorce. Please do let me know if I can assist further. Most of all do not be afraid....you will come out of this the other end.

Regards,

Hamilton

Lesley

Your husband might be persuaded to use mediation when he sees what the costs may be if you use solicitors. It is in his interests to come to an agreement without spending a fortune if he doesn't need to do so, and mediation is a much less expensive route to financial separation and divorce.

The fact that he won't talk to you need not prevent mediation being effective. There is no reason why the two of you could not have separate meetings. This is likely to mean that the process will take a little longer, but it could still be very worth while.

Having said all that, he doesn't sound the ideal candidate for mediation!

Good luck