My name says it all.

I notice what time you were writing this, you're not sleeping. Have you seen your GP about this or seen a counsellor? I know exactly what you are going thru, my ex now lives across the road from me its a nightmare. Please believe me that it does get easier. I have only been separated 4 months and I am now a far cry from where I was even 1 month ago. I have been given some leaflet son how to relax, cope with things, I am off to work now but will find them and get back to you. I can also send you that book if you like but would need your address. remember this is about you not him and he is not the person you thought he was - his life was the lie not yours - you have a new better life without him. (HUG)

Reeling

Just wanted to send some words of support to add to the others. What you are going through is all natural and unfortunately not uncommon. I'm still trying to work out why my husband has tunred into the emotionless, cruel person that he is. I do think that the selfishness was there all along. He had me by his side for over 30 years correcting his behaviour but now he's on his own, and old friends are dropping like flies now that they see the real person that he is.

My battle is far from over and it's been 15 months. Am about to see my GP again who has been a great support.

Hold your head up. You are the better person and eventually you will be a happier person as a result of your integrity. Concentrate on looking after yourself, believe in yourself and let them carry on messing up their own lives.

Thinking of you and everyone else in this torture club.

This helps me when i wake during the night with a million things racing through my mind, hope it helps you -
Visualise yourself outside, somewhere you feel relaxed & at peace - youre alone, its a lovely day. Theres a basket at your feet with its lid open. put all of your unwanted and negative feelings and thoughts (i put the ex and mistress in) Cleanse yourself of these feelings, when you feel ok put the lid on the basket. There is a tied up balloon close by, untie it and attach it to the basket, watch the basket & balloon rising higher & higher into the sky taking your unwanted feelings with it, becoming smaller & smaller & then disappears.All that is left is the clear blue sky, watch this for a short time. Look around and get a sense that this is now a very special place with a very secure, safe and protected feeling. From this place you can experience things in a calm, peaceful & non-affected way. nothing bothers you, gets to you or upsets you. Try to maintain this place deep inside you.

Thanks for the tips. My GP has been kind, but bar prescribing sleeping pills, hasn't offered much advice on sleep problems. In fact I don't have trouble getting to sleep, but wake up at silly hours and find it hard to get back. But will definitely try you technique Dmmk.

I know you're right about having integrity, and being the better person, but it doesn't feel as if I'm going to be happier when all my dreams have disappeared and I feel like a spare part.

That's because your feelings are still so raw,and that's how you are feeling now...but you wil start to heal and get stronger within yourself. Trust what others have said here. It feels so overwhelming at the moment for you, but those feelings will subside. In the meantime you have to help yourself as much as you can, to move forward and get out and about,even if you don't feel like it. That is the first step to recovering and finding yourself again.

Your old dreams may have disappeared but now you can make your own dreams - whatever you like, no-one else - and they will be much better because they are for you - with no-one else's opinion- its all about you from now on. No more compromising. I was even chuffed to bits the other day that I didn't have to share my chocolate orange with him ha ha.xx

Hi reeling you are not alone I am in the same place as you so totally understand how heartbroken you feel.I have been with my husband for 30 years and he started an affair with a woman who lives in portugal following a boys golfing holiday i knew almost straight away but he denied it until i thought i was totally insane and he even suggested i got medical treatment.I then got hard proof......it then turned out as he found out by going to see her as a surprise that she actually was a brazilian prostitute living in portugal.
We went to counselling but a couple of weeks on i detected the same signs again...he denied it but again i got hard proof this woman apparently is spanish and now he wants to live in london for six months (but he wont finish it with the woman even though he said it is albeit over)so that we can both come to a decision about our future!!!(he would be coming home at weekends and living in our home like normal)
I am totally heartbroken my husband was the best husband and father and now he is a complete stranger the way he treated me at christmas was beyond despicable and well i never it is all my fault that this happened as i apparently didnt give him enough attention etc ....we have three children including one who is autistic
and over the last couple of years they have been doing gcses alevels etc all this came out in the middle of my daughters a levels my brother died the week after as well which was totally out of the blue he was 53 and my only living older relative so i kept everything bottled up until now

sorry to go on about myself and i am so sorry that you are on this site too I dont understand these men who treat us like dirt mine says he loves me and i am his best friend and doesnt know why he is doing these things.

You are not alone
love lottie X