Buenos Dias
and Ola from sunny spain!!!Or for the less educated fatties out therethat
means HELLO!!!
I'm sorry I've not been around but I've been setting up
an exciting new project in Spain(from the poceeds of all the low fat dust
sachets you mugs bought......cor blimey......gullible or what!!Oh dear I
accidentally hit return
It's an exciting new weight loss retreat
called La Manga Health Club and Spa. Some of the more cosmopolitan amongst
you may have heard of it Posh and Becks often holiday here!!!
And some
Leicester City footballers, but I don't really want to go into that
night,few too many Tequilas know what I mean gals and I honestly did think
that they were offering me some BBQ'd chicken at the time!!!Very low in
calories!!!
Anyway our new Fat Fighters holiday programme is called
"FAT FIGHTERS FOOT LOSS ISLAND(though technically part of a
continent)"
It's a bit like GMTV's "INCH LOSS ISLAND" Except that my
program is 12 times better!!!
And another thing that Twee Mumsy "OCH
AYE DA NOO" I'm so lovely and syrupy sweet and butter wouldn't melt is
actually a right BIATCH who'd nicked my idea and scratch your eyes out once
the cameras ain't rolling!!!
Anyway its a very family orientated,
bring your kids becuase lets face it if your a fatty probably follows that
they like to munch down a few burgers too!!!! And we do a reduced rate for
kids too...90% of the Adult price.
we have a fairly supervised
daily activity for the kids. Drop the off with the lifeguard at 9:00am and
say there you go do your job then, you're the one wearing the T-shirt and
then pick em up at 7:00 pm when the pool closes. Lets face it I aint
Judith Charmers but seems like better supervision than some holidays
companies have
That leaves the lil darlings free to
play all day and with no money for food they can be troughing down the
normal rubbish they probably eat. Swimming's great exercise for feral kids
and dont forget to take a change of clothes for the lil h'aways ..ive
allowed mine a bikini and an all in one!! Coz lets face it with Ryanair
baggage allowance you dont want to be wasting too much wight on the kids
clothing. Need to cram all your 3XL stuf in. Now that leaves us adults
free for our medicaly devised Fat Fighters Foot Loss Island (tho
technically part of a continent) Holiday Program!!
As you know
Spain is part of the Med and the Mediterrainan diet is one of the best on
the planet...
Breakfast start in Pedros Cafe run by a gal from
the Czech Rep but shes lived in Spain for 12 years and i though she was one
so that counts. Does lovely chocolate croissants and you dont get much
more Med that that, so obviously slimming. NOw with this you have a
cartado 'black coffee' but lets face it that tastes like sh ite. More
interestingly the latte is more slimming. If you'v e ever seen a spanish
cow youll notice that they are very boney. Boney is an understatement,
they are in fact the biaferant bovine equivalent of Kate Moss in the Cow
world!!! so it figures, boney ass'd cows= boney ass milk = boney ass'd
fatties if they drink it !!! see more extensive nutritional research from
the fat fighters team
Following breakfast we take a hike
around the resort. I personally found it was way too hilly nearly had a
f'kin coronary. So alternatively you could do a sprint chuck some spoilt
teenage kid of his golf bugy and ride that round for the next two weeks.
After twoc'ing a few golf buggies it will have worked up an apetite
so it'l be fat fighters lunch. Now salads are very big in the med and if
you want to eat rabbity food be my guest, but ultimately you'll feel
deprived and end up turning into the cookie monster after a splif with the
munchies. So, opt for the sensible option...burger + chips. The bun has
carbs, the burger has lots of protein and the chips... well everyone loves
chips cooked in low fat lard dont they!!! All washed down with some health
lol cal bottle of red wine .. coz rememember LARGER MAKES YOU LARGER!!
Now Foot Loss Island is not just about activites its about rest n
relaxation. So in the afternoon find a nice sun lounger, preferably not by
the kids pool coz lets face it theres nothing relaxing about them, and
catch up on some of your sleep deprivation that todays stressful lives
result in. Set the alarm for five to catch 'happy hour'...happy..Im f'kin
delerious - two for one on jugs of SANGRIA - very Mediterrenean wine
based which of course is part of a staple diet at fat fighters.
Bonus too its full of fruit (which you can pick out if you like!!)
Now probably with all this wonderful day you'll prob be feeling a bit
fruity yourself so at 6 oclock youve got an hour to team up with a fellow
fatty and do a workout (nudge nudge wink wink

) Sex is a wonderful way of burning calories and
remember being resonsible at Fat Fighters we alaways promote safe sex - so
no hanging off the balconies or the light fittings. They prob wont be able
to take the weight!
At 7 oclock pick the kids up from the pool
attendant /janitor/ sorry..life guard . They will probably be moaning about
sunburn or dehydration, but lets face it there was plenty of shade to stand
in and there was a whole pool full of water they could have drank.
So
take the moany lil tikes out of the evening. Now all adult meals do come
wi th complimentary bread and jugs of tap water that you can give the kids
if you are that caring way inclined.
Also here, Si Bar has a
garden where the kids can play and fully folderable patio doors that we can
shut and lock whilst we get on with the serious business of eating and
drinking in peace and quiet.
Main meal - I would recommend pasta
and lots of it. You'll need to keep your energy up for later... big
boy!!??!! With lots of lovely creamy carbonara sauce as a treat for being
so good all day!!! To drink, well need to take this carfully so low fat
gin and tonic becuase have you seen the measures in Spain?? They are
Mahoosive!! That'll get you well mullered.
Dont forget to turn the
music up loud (to drown out noise from kids banging on patio door) and
dance the night away .. another great calorie burner. Finally at 2:00 a.m.
exahused from all that dancing you cvsan let the kids carry you home.
Prices for Foot Loss Island start from 10K per adult fully
inclusive and 9k per child Full inc.
Please send your cash in
the post to
Marjorie 'hawaythelads' Dawes
Casa I love my
spanish apartment you mugs
La Manga
Murcia Cartegena
Spain
...now remember fatties Keep Fighting!!!!
oh yeah weigh in .. week 8... 16st 7lb
(well I quesstimate as there are no actual scales here

)