advice needed right away please!!!!!

Well today I have found out my wife has been cheating of which I have had my suspisions.

She has not confessed that she has actually sleeped with anyone but has confessed to haveing phone sex whilst in our house.

I have the full mobil phone details as its in my name.

Fist of all we have twin three year old girls that my mother takes care of in the day as we both work. I am staying at my mothers with the girls right now.

What I need to know is what to do if my wife turns up and asks to take the kids away, she is origonally from Town X and we now live together in Town Y, some distance from Town X. I believe she will want to go home to her parents house with the children and this means I will not see them.

I will be filing for devorce as I dont think I can forgive her over this and I dont think by the way she is acting she wants me too.

please any advice is welcome as my head is still spinning but I adore my children and so does my family (their Nan, Grandad, aunty, uncle and cousins they see daily all live around where we live) and dont want to loss them. They also go to play group here and all their friends are here.

You and your wife are both parents of these children and any decision made by a court will take into account what is best for the children, which is generally that they have contact with both parents.

Courts like to uphold the status quo as that is more settling for children, so if your wife has been the main carer they will want that to continue.

If you've been the main carer, they'll want that to continue.

Keeping children in a familiar environment, same playgroup/school etc is often a good idea when so much else is changing.

Many parents have joint parenting where the children spend and equal amount of time with each parent.

But its really best if both parents can sort out together - maybe through mediation - how they will care for their children and contact arrangements, rather than going to court, which is expensive, and can be acrimonious.

You say that your head is spinning singingrep, not a good time to make life changing decisions.

I make no apologies in saying that your mother is wrong to allow you to stay there. I suppose that's what happens when you involve the family too closely in looking after your kids.

If my child came to me in similar circumstances, I'd show her the way home to sort it out.

I suggest that you leave the twins with your mother tonight and calmly have a talk with your wife at home or somewhere neutral. Please don't mention the D word.

Be careful that a kneejerk reaction, doesn't alter the course of your life for the worst outcome.
Good luck and let us know.

thank ou both for you advice, you are right that mediation would be the right idea. I am sure this will not be somthing I can get passed for our relationship to continue but I do not want the kids to suffer in anyway. The reason for staying with my mother is my wife at the moment is getting very drunk with her friend and discussing any of this with her now with or without the kids would not be a good idea. I am trying to keep the girls in the dark and my mother is thier primary career in a sence due to the fact we both work full time and she is a child minder. I did not want to get a devorce but what other option is there when there is no longer any love or trust in a relationship.

Well your mother should not be "a primary carer." You and your wife should be. They're your kids.

If there is one saying I hate above all others, it's "grow up."

So with a heavy heart mate, GROW UP.

I dont think you understand they atay with my mother during the day when they are not at play group as we both work to provide a house and all the other things kids require. that is being a grown up not sitting at home expecting hand outs.

Hello singingrep and welcome to wiki. Sorry this is happening to you and your family. You're clearly reeling from the revelations and you need to take a deep breath and try to stay calm.

This needs careful thought so as not to compound the situation.

Others will be along to advise soon and in the meantime, I will PM you.

Best wishes

Mitchum