Asked to leave

Bobbinalong wrote:
if you leave the house, you are not liable to pay the mortgage only by a court order, the other half is effectively renting your half of the house.
Again this is NOT something you can generalize about. And it's also NOT true! If your name is on a mortgage then the mortgage company will hold you jointly and severally responsible for payments. That means they can pursue EITHER of you for 100% of the money if the mortgage does not get paid. Yes often it is easiest to go after the resident but if that person cannot pay they have liberty to chase up the non-resident as well. Mortgage companies are not affected by court orders between spouses.

I agree with everyone that the person being asked to leave should stay. However... That depends on what happens. And yr health is more important than bricks and mortar.

I think to try and stay is the best option. But in the meantime, move out of the shared bedroom into another room if possible. Even if that means that the kids have to share a room.

In my FMH, there wasnt a spare room available. Her kids were megga hostile towards me and there was no way that I could ask them to use a single room. So initially, I set up camp in the front room. After a couple of weeks of this, there was a couple of incidents that didnt make me feel very safe at night. So I moved from there into the conservatory. But that didnt last long either. Eventually I occupied the garage. I was collecting furniture etc in there anyway. So it seemed the right thing todo. I stayed in that garage for 11 months. I cant say it was the best place I ever lived, but it was safe and dry. I made sure I had the only key. I am not saying you should do what I did. But stay where you think you feel safe. Its not forever. And its surprising what you can do with a bit of draft excluder

Do own shopping cooking and washing etc. Keep out the way. Do everything in the room that you can. Put a lock on that room.

Lastly, keep a ready bag handy with all the essentials, passport, birth cert and anything that is easily portable. A few clothes and some spare cash. Enough for a couple of nights in a cheep hotel. In the event of any trouble, you can grab the bag and leave. That way, you know that you have everything essential to last a few days. And if you dont manage to get back, you have everything you need to start again. Clothes are easily replaceable. A life is not. C.

You need to weigh up the pros and cons. If you stay can you live separately within the same house? Can you take the strain? Can you afford to rent? In my own case I decided to go (he wouldn't). This did wonders for reducing my stress levels. It does however mean that my stbx is in a position to control the marketing of the house and since he's nice and comfortable he doesn't have much of an incentive to sell.

I thought that we could live together, we kind of agreed on that a year ago. Financially, nothing changed, I've been paying everything. Emotionally, she seems to alternate between wanting to get back together and wanting nothing to do with me. I find that very stressful.

I really don't think I can afford to go and rent. While I could stay with my mum, it wouldn't be ideal and definitely not a long term solution. There isn't a spare bedroom there.

I will try to ride it out. Maybe if I keep out of her way, it will do until she's able to work.

I would only move out if you can afford to rent /buy your on property.

Staying at your mums might be a short term solution, but if finances are tight, it could end up being several years until you are financially separated.

If she thinks the marriage is over, tell her to move out and you will have residency of your son.

without going into my situation when me and my husband reached our end i too asked him to leave, i am our childrens main carer and only worked part time so was in no position to move out.

he refused despite the fact he could have moved in with his mum who owns a 3 bedroom house and lives alone.
eventually i moved out with my children and went to stay with my parents, we all slept in one room for a year, until i was able to get more hours at work to enable me to rent.
my reason for staying was never financial i was always and still am willing to be fair, my reason for wanting to stay was my children, they suffered greatly due to the upheaval of being removed from their home.
bear this in mind for your son, the children should always come first.
my children are now settled and happy where we are and my husband continues to sit in protest in our family home alone.