Re:what has been said that has helped?

I'm probably away on a tangent here, but.....

Wikivorce.

Many of us here struggled to find a physical friend who could give us any useful support.

Here we can ask for answers/help, rant & pontificate.

We get personal replies.
On this screen in front of me.
Call me old-fashioned (yeh, go on), but that is the intimacy that wasn't on offer from the dwindling circle of humans available to me.
The words said don't seem so important.
It's the dignity of being spoken to.

Mind you, a hug would've been handy

Action: that's a good one

I don't think anything that others can say can stop us being in the grief, or magic it all away - we kind of have to figure out our own phrases or words ourselves as we navigate our way through this mess.

But on a more practical note, there are these phrases that I've definately internalised. The most important one is: 'look after yourself' (since the implication is that no one else is going to do - your life is now your own responsibility). The corolary to this is, 'be good to yourself' (but this sounds too much like an advertising slogan).

Another one is, 'bad things happen to good people'. We may have loved with integrity and for all the right reasons, that that circumstances dictated that we inadvertently gave our love to someone who didn't deserve it.

Again, on a practical note, 'get regular exercise', which is also a personal thing. It gets you out of the house. I don't quite look like the bloke who features on Bobbin's picture (is that really you, fella?), but I'm getting there!

Finally, and this is something that I've discovered rather than have been told, which is, 'push your own boundaries', which means to seek out situations that might be outside your comfort zone. It's only by doing this will you be able to grow into a different person, and be separate from that big part of you that is grieving. This might be as simple as going to a wikimeet, or going for a hike with a bunch of strangers, or any other thing that strikes your fancy.

Doing this means that you make yourself new memories which belong to you and you alone.

Wishing everyone a good day.

JJ
x

Someone else identifying a sense of self-worth in me, which I firmly believed no longer existed, and telling me.

Chris

The on-going kindness and support of all the people on wiki when I feel like cr** and the realisation that I am not the only person that has been dealt such a blow.
Reading other people's threads and coping strategies helps too, as does being able to offer help back!

Hi SC,
Thanks for this thread. I agree with you too. This site has been like a saviour for me. Reading people's blogs and posts has helped me to cope and have hope that things will get better. It helps me to know that there are people (even if they are half way across the world) who care and are prepared to listen and offer advice.

Take care allx