Re:Internet courses that promise to save my marriage

I have looked at some of these sites, especially when they try and sneak on wiki to sell, one offered a 28 day course guaranteed to help people who were left, cheated on, abandoned, no money back guarantee though, and the cost, just short of £1,000.

Thank you for all your thoughtful replies. My head tells me that it is over , now I just need my heart to catch up with my head and then I am sure I will feel a bit better.

labcoat wrote:
Fiona,
Thank you for your reply.
I persuaded my wife to go to Relate with me but the session ended with her telling the counselor that she did not want to save our relationship. I know I am going to have to accept that our marriage is over but I still can't figure out why she is prepared to do this to our children.

I know this is going to sound harsh, and I am not sticking up for anyone. But at least she went with you. And she has told you that its over and not cheated on you. As some do.

But saying things like "How could she do this to the children" is just blackmail. Sorry again for saying this. Your dumping yr logic onto others heads and that wont work. But I know what yr trying to do. Yr trying to counter her arguments that she wants to end it and give her reasons to stay. But to end a dream usually has a long road behind it. She has probably considered this for a very long time. And you wont change her mind by saying this to her.

I have seen these sites. And in the early days, I registered for one of them. I didnt pay anything. It was a kinda forum. That was run by someone that allegedly saved countless marriages. Of course you could download the ebook. For a price mind. And no, it didnt save my marriage. Any advice I got there just made matters far far worse. But my ex was having an affair. I didnt believe that she would do this. Etc, etc. I am sure you know the story. But by the time I found out, there was no way I would have had her back in any case. Sorry, I digress..

The bottom line is this. You cant save a marriage if one person wants to end it. And the more you try and save it, the more you are pushing her away. And the more desperate she becomes. What you are actually doing is motivating her to try and end it more forcefully. But if you say, "Ok if this is what you want, I disagree but if you realy want this, lets work out how we separate and divorce with minimum impact on us and the kids" that will shock her. She is expecting a fight.. Dont give her one. This is one battle you cant win anyway. You cant make someone stay with you or be with you if they dont want to.

Lastly, some people that decide to separate and divorce change there minds. When the reality of downsizing, being alone a lot of the time with the kids and no adult company. Loosing all the joint friends and having a lot less money and all that togetherness stuff that couples have hits home. But by the time that this happens, you may be long gone. And who's fault is this? C.

Thank you for all the replies. You have helped me clarify my thoughts. I now accept it is over. I have started the process to rent a house less than 4 mins walk away. The children like it and seem received that some action has been taken.