Anybody else whose husband has had gay affair?

My husband & I have been married for almost 31 yrs & have a 27 yr. old son. 11 yrs ago he had a very brief affair with a man. As far as I know,they had sex once, maybe twice. It may as well be a billion times! The hurt was so great, It's like I have an open wound. We are still married, but with no sex of any kind. We have a lot in common & really enjoy being together. I don't show him any resentment or anger any more. I see him as an imperfect human being. A good person who gave into temptation. And, yes I still love him! HOWEVER...I now see things differently. I no longer have the trust I once had. I cope by seeing a therapist & venting & even though it's been 11 yrs since I found out I think I will always carry the hurt. Usually the married men who have gay affairs, continue to pursue the lifestyle & want a divorce, but that's not what happened to us. We wanted to stay together

Anybody out there give me advice it is coming up on a year in January my husband of 19 years told me he is gay and only now I am having a breakdown and treated for depression how long will it take to work this nightmare out - forever !???

penny122,

Gay or straight, I think the fact that you have been hurt and betrayed by the person whom you trusted with your life, is the pain you are experiencing. You are still trying to come to terms with it all.

I know it is a double whammy for you, having to deal with the affair and then the fact that your husband has hidden his sexuality from you, it must be awful.

You are amongst friends here on Wiki, you will find it a great source of comfort and a place of understanding, empathy and compassion. There will always be someone with a hand of virtual friendship.

I have a friend who was in the same boat as you, she had 2 daughters with her husband when she discovered his secret. She is a very strong and determined individual who has not let this destroy her.

Like any affair, secrets and lies, you have to think of you, NO1. Be kind to yourself and you will get through this. Please do not be too hard on yourself. It is a roller coaster of emotions, a journey. I too suffered a meltdown when I caught my STBX with an OW. Your husband has acted selfishly by not admitting his true colours and you have unfortunately been caught up in his web of secrets.

All of us who have been lied to and cheated on, certainly deserve to have some happiness, I think it just takes time.

I think counselling would be a good help to you, after all you are dealing with so much. Speak to your GP they can refer you or offer advice on support groups who deal with this issue.

Take care for now FoS x