Anybody else whose husband has had gay affair?

I am getting divorced because my husband has been having a gay affair for over a year. He says he's not gay, just curious. But I can't really believe that it would've gone on for so long if he really didn't like it. I feel all the usual betrayal and shock over the deceipt etc. But more than that I feel horrible considering I had no idea that he was that way inclined, and I feel used that he married me 6 years ago despite having these inclinations.
Is there anyone else out there who has been through something similar?

Hi Brokengirl

Yes I have only mine used the excuse that he didn't love me and that he had never loved me, when asked why he married me, he replied got carried away with the moment... Apparently he didn't love his first wife either and from what I can gather they were more like close friends than husband and wife. He has had feelings for men since a child and has repressed them to conform to society 'married with child' yet he would spend hours on the computer late at night looking at men in uniform particulary police men and admitted he was curious too and had several fantasies of getting arrested, etc. These men are I'm afraid closet gays and won't admit it.
The betrayal hurts, but time is a healer, give your self time and you will find that you are better off without him. Take care

Hi Brokengirl,

My husband of 10 years went off with a man 2 years ago. I felt, as you do, hurt and used and it was as though the whole of our marriage had been a complete sham. Does time heal? I suppose it does, but very slowly. I wouldn't say I've accepted it yet and certainly can't face another relationship. I think you are doing the right thing in getting divorced. How can you go on when there is no trust there any more? They are cowardly. I have nothing against people who are gay, so why try to hide it and hurt other people in the process? I have a son who is also going to be hurt when he is old enough to understand about Dad's friend.
We are hurt and betrayed but we will survive! I don't think I will ever get 'over it' (whatever that is!) but you never know what's around the corner....
Take care of yourself xxx

Thank you pepperpotty...good luck and I hope you can heal too - you deserve a real relationship with a real man who will love you for who you are, not because you're a "cover" for his secret...xx

hi my husband was straight as far as i knew when i married him, 8 yrs on he had sexual fumblings with a cple of gay men tho he said he tried but failed to have sex because he was too drunk tho i didnt know wheter to believe him, when he was forced to make a confession because i found a text it said hi james i really enjoyed tonight i want morex he said it was because i didnt show him love, furthermore he couldnt last a minute in the bedroom because of his guilty secrets ,hurt so much at the time how can u compete with another man let alone another woman!! i am happy to say i am in a lovely relationship with a the most amazing man for the past two years , there is light at the end of the tunnel and you do move on .... good luck to anyone else who found themselves in my postion!!xx

Hi NuttyCow
I haven't logged onto this site for almost a year but chose to now as I got a notification of your post. I can only imagine what you must be going through - last year was a complete nightmare for me. What I can tell you is that it will get better. You will probably always have lots of questions. And your husband is most likely gay. Many people and therapists and friends and family have given me lots of theories, that perhaps my husband strayed in this way because of unknown abuse in his childhood, or an experience he wants to change the outcome of etc. He himself is still trying to work out why he had a gay affair for 18 months during our marriage. After saying he's sure it was a phase and he doesn't think he's gay for most of the past year, he's now slowly but surely moving in that direction again. So my belief is that for a man to do this, not once, but a few times, or repeatedly over a long period of time, he is gay. Or at least fully bisexual. It's hard to believe and accept when you've been married to someone and shared your life and been eachother's soulmate. But my belief is that this is the case...your husband is gay. He cannot face up to it for whatever reason - he may not even want to be gay (not even deep down inside). But he is.
It will hurt for a long time. But it will get better and you will move on. And I wonder if you may find your infertility issues solving themselves down the line too...nature has a funny way of making things difficult when it's not right / ideal for some reason.
Good luck, you will be fine, another better life is waiting for you...just be patient and be good to yourself. Some of the best advice I got last year was to slow down and take the best possible care of myself.
Good luck
BrokenGirl. (not broken anymore)