Re:Top tip for beating the doom and gloom

I know this is going to sound really odd. But talking to my Mum helped me loads. She has been gone a long time now. I found that in my darkest hours, I would ask her to help me. And when I needed a solution, one came to me or was given to me. Now I dont know if that was me doing it. Or my Mum. But it was and is a comfort to know that she is with me. And if I am ever in trouble like that again, I can ask her to help me.... C.

ive kept a diary, never have before. written down all the emotions i felt and feel since he went, it helps some times to look back and see how bad i got at the begining to how im starting to feel now. and reading Runaway Husbands,, that has really helped to, a book you can keep going back to at certain stages. taling to friends, family, and the support from you lovely people has been a godsend x x x

raybird wrote:
ive kept a diary, never have before. written down all the emotions i felt and feel since he went, it helps some times to look back and see how bad i got at the begining to how im starting to feel now. and reading Runaway Husbands,, that has really helped to, a book you can keep going back to at certain stages. taling to friends, family, and the support from you lovely people has been a godsend x x x

I never kept a diary. But I have some of the stuff that I kept from the very early days. It helps to keep me grounded and is somewhat embarrassing and makes me cringe when I read it. Which is not very often now. But its good to have some reference that you can look back on that gives you a yardstick on yr progress. C.

Friends and family helped endlessly, talking, talking, talking and talking and yet more talking and then even more talking. I must have driven everyone nuts!! Even if you don't have many close family of friends councilling is another route.

Talking made things feel more real, helped keep things in perspective.

My main issue in the early days was lack of sleep, I got to the point where I couldn't focus or concentrate, I thought I had depression I just felt so terrible. I took a prescribed sleep aid for a couple of weeks, what a difference, the recovery then started for me, it was still a long road but I was able to cope. I have learnt to sleep again no help needed now If you do use any type of sleep aid don't do so for two long. The ability to sleep will come back, never perhaps as you used to sleep but enough to replenish your head and body.

Divorce is something you can't understand till you go through it, and you need to find your own path. Different things work for different people and/or at different times.

I had professional help (anti-depressants and counselling)

non-professional support (family, friends, this site)

but sometimes you have to be your own best friend and help yourself.

Dancing or energetic housework/gardening, to loud music worked for me sometimes. Exercise stimulates feel-good chemicals in the body and you have a sense of achievement afterwards.

Soaking in the bath and having a good cry.

Sometimes just telling myself that everything is temporary and all feelings are just that - feelings, not facts - and they will pass, helped.

I still have bad times, but I know they will pass.

Thanks everyone. I am lower than ever today. My youngest woke me up at 3am and I've not been able to sleep. I had a horrid gut wrenching crying fit -wailing into the pillow. I've got to keep going but I'm so tired off all the s*** -I am seeing my Doc tonight and will tell her then. I'm having counselling and my sister is coming to see me.

I know it's the right thing to do for me to accept that my marriage is over but I feel unbearable for my children. Utterly unbearable.

I recently started a new job and don't know how to deal with this. I don't want my personal life becoming public and yet I know I'm not the person that I was when they offered me the role.

I wish there was a pause button so that I could deal with my emotions and then crack on with life.

Just rationalise your emotions.
Talk to yourself out loud when you start crying.
You have to have your voice physically telling you that the crying and self pitying is self indulgent bollox that ain't gonna achieve anything other than dragging you down.
My thing that I used to say when I blubbed and was like I can't take any more like some big drama queen was yes Haway you're life right is pretty shxx.However laying here crying will lead your life into not only being sxxt but sxxx and skint.So which is better? You'd better stop crying get up get ready go and deal with the stuff that's real life in the real world and not what's going on in your head about a divorce.
Watch the untouchables and live your life like your Sean Connery in it that's what i did mentally.
Or the shawshank redemption
Andy Dufresne - who crawled through a river of shxt and came out clean on the other side.

All the best
Pete xx