Re:Please - Not Yet|

My husband of 30 years has left me for another woman, he says he will divorce me on the grounds of my unreasonable behaviour. He has been dishonest, borrowed money from me saying he had financial difficulties whilst all the while giving large amounts of cash to his new girlfriend, he has run up overdrafts on our joint accounts since the split,(and bizarely enough is suggesting it was me, has gambled vast amounts of money, he doesnt pay his bills and doesnt talk to me. I have the proof that I have never been unreasonable regarding our financial affairs and have been a loyal and faithfull wife. I am struggling to cope with this situation and would like a while to adapt to the fact that my best husband and best friend has abandoned me and is trying to blacken my good character, does anyone know how I can stop him divorcing me on the basis of untruths and also to delay it until I am in a better state emotionally to cope with it.

As I understand it he can't divorce you unless you agree

Hi AnaisM

Your X could send the DV papers to you but you can take whatever time you need to send them back / deal with them.

My advice, is to spend time sorting yourself out, get a bank account sort out the bills, maint (if any) etc - you could do this via mediation (if it works for you). We went to mediation & I did put a hold on things as I just wast ready - I was working in "shock mode" & would have agreed to basically anything to be "nice".

As for the grounds - yes these are really hard, funny isnt it that the one who leaves is often the one who blames the other person for their "UB." Having said that, often the reasons given for the UB is not worth figting for, my X wrote utter crap for my UB! In my opinion of course LOL No the reasons were factually incorrect & I could prove that, but what was the point. I sent in a letter stating whilst I agreed with the DV I did not agree with the reasons given gave my rebuttal & left it at that - lifes too short. - Funny how someone you have been with for 20+ years can turn out to be someone you never knew at all but you live and learn & I have 2 wonderful kids to show for it so in my eyes "we" did something right at least.

Stay Strong & look after yourself

JJx

You could just sit on the petition when it arrives and so stall for time!

There's a few posts on here about how people can progress their divorce when the other person does not respond.

Additionally - let him divorce you for unreasonable behaviour - you just have to say you agree the marriage has broken down, but you do not agree with the reasons.

I think it's really the financial side of things that you need to get sorted.

Good Luck AnaisM (hugs).

Thank you so much for your reply. I just think its so unfair that someone (and especially the person you gave 30 years of your life to) can blacken your character when they are the ones who are behaving badly. I must try to find the other posts re this situation, and I will speak to my solicitor but i think i know he will say just let him, but that goes very much against the grain, I wouldnt let the man on the street accuse me of such dishonesty without challenging him, so cant let my husband, who knows me to be an honest person who conducts my financial affairs very conservatively whilst he is the one with the gambling problem.
Thank you again for your support.

Hugs back
Anais

Hi,
Unreasonable Behaviour is usually the quickest method that is used to divorce. Needless to say its never going to make you look life 'wife of the year' but they are usually full of rubbish and lies, the thing is that the court doesn't really care about it, the fact that you are there is seen as there being a sign that the marriage is over. Don't worry about it 'blackening' you name, those close to you will know the truth and that is what counts, the reasons are not published and the court staff who do see them are not remotly interested. Thats not to say that seeing the lies written down isn't hurtful.
The best advice I can offer is to as young people say 'whatever' and when you return the pettition say that you agree the marriage is over but disagree to the reasons given.

LB

Thank you for your reply, its all really confusing and I have to pay a fortune every time i ask a solicitor anything and even then dont get good advice.

Thanks again
Anais