For the new ones: survival in the first few weeks

I'm bumping this up again as we have a few new members to the site who will still be navigating their way around finding information.

I hope this helps and I genuinely send all who are in the first few weeks of separation a massive hug.

I was you this time last year and I can assure you this too will pass. But n the meantime, here is some stuff that helped me

I too have just re-read this post. What an excellent post.

just take it all one day at a time. As Sair says, everyone heals at different times - a lot depends on their circumstances.
Me, personally I am still heaqling some 2 years on, but then I can't do no contact at all, due to young children, I am not yet divorced due to acrimonious settlement, so my pain and anger and hurt is still quite fresh and raw. So, Wiki's just remember everyone is different.

survive
x

Dear Sair. Thank you thank you thank you! I am new at this! 24 years married to a workaholic, three kids! I never thought it would happen to me, he didn't have time for an affair - how wrong was I. Your advice is fab and I am going on amazon now to order your recommended books. Thanks again - Sharon

I am 4 years into the grieving process. I have been hoping for past 4 years that my husband ( of 31 years)would stop the silly choices he is making - has had many affairs and got involved financially with many girls in the Far East, while on business trips. I know that he has 'given' them at least £50,000 to 'help them out' to try and get them to 'go home' but they just take his money and gives him attention and love in return- either in person when possible or by email/messaging/skype. I had enough last year when he said that he had ­meta­ filipino ( not a lady of the night he said) while she was on holiday in Hong Kong. She was 28 years old then and he was important to him. He refused to leave as he was 'paying' for the house and why should he? he was going to stay and carry on and I could like it or lump it! We have 2 teenage children- one struggling with Uni and the other with GCSE's so did not want to turf them out of their home - it could ruin their career. So i hoped and waited some more and more. The children were both contacted on facebook by one of his lady friends who threatened to expose their Dad with pics and info - unrequited love because she knew about the Filipino girl that had now taken the love of her life and the gravy train away!!!
For peace and a chance to forget the stuff that was happening ......I went away in the summer with the children on my own. I gave him the chance to ask to come too. he didnt take it. he just wanted to know when we were going and coming back. On our return I saw pics of him and his new lady friend.he had flown to Thailand the day after we had gone - and taken her to the same hotel as we went to together on our 25th Wedding Anniversary!
That was the last straw. I arranged to see a solicitor. We had our first around the table meeting with the solicitor yesterday- I feel numb - I am the petitioner and citing adultery. I am even know struggling with what I have had to do to get my life back. AS IT HAS BEEN SUCH A LONG DRAWN OUT PROCESS FOR ME, I CAN RELATE TO ALL THE POINTS YOU HAVE GIVEN ABOVE ALREADY .......A FANTASTICALLY COMPREHENSIVE ACCOUNT OF HOW THINGS ARE !!!!
Thanks for showing me that I am not unique although I have only given you a tip of the iceberg in this snapshot picture. The bullying me into not asking questions has been humiliating and abusive.

Do you recommend any others that I should get in touch with? I am a new member as of an hour ago! Thx

Dear Sair,

Thank you for this post. I've survived day 1 and am waking up to day 2. Your post was just what I needed to pep me up a little. I'll keep referring back.

I don't think my H has been seeing anyone (not at the moment in anycase) but I know that something has happened in the past. His desicion to ask for time out has left me reeling as I was pretty much feeling my way through the mess hoping it would "come right". Reading y old diaries and your post in close succession has made me begin to see that actually it might be a good thing.

I don't know what the outcome is going to be for my marriage yet -
I guess it's a case of small steps making great strides.

Thank you. Fifi