Living On My Own - Extremely Difficult

I do feel for you Sonya, I know exactly what you are going through. It is just 7 days for me since I found a note and saw that my wife had left with all her possesions and those of our 10yr old son and half the contents of the house.

It scares me to think that it can still have such an effect on any of us for so long afterwards, but other replies do sound as if we will get over it eventualy. I'm sure like me you wish that could happen so much quicker.

I find mornings and evenings particularly the worse time of day, but anything can set me off again.

I do find having to conentrate whilst typing on these forums occupies my mind (but then again occasionally something can set me off again).

I would recommend joining the chat room. I had never been in any type of chat room before this happened to me so at least I have learned something new out of all of it. You don't have to join in initially if you don't want to talk, you can just 'listen' online to start with, but it is so much better to listen to other people in the same situation chatting and having a bit of fun, it doesn't make you feel quite so alone.

We can't appreciate it now, but I'm sure the people who have been through it before are right when they say it will get beter in time and I hope it does for you (and me).

Hi Sonya,

I read your post with interest.

You are not alone - like you I am terrified of being alone (I've never lived alone for 29 years). You have taken that first step (well done!) I've been trying to take that first step for the last 3 years - but it's just too scary for me.

I hope one day I find the courage like you to leave.

Wishing you the best of luck for the future.
Rainy

db147 wrote:


It scares me to think that it can still have such an effect on any of us for so long afterwards, but other replies do sound as if we will get over it eventualy. I'm sure like me you wish that could happen so much quicker.

We can't appreciate it now, but I'm sure the people who have been through it before are right when they say it will get beter in time and I hope it does for you (and me).

Hi db. There are all kinds of people. And people react in diferent ways. Sonya seems to have taken this very badly. You seem to be handling this better. Although I suspect the shock of what happened is still with you.

I am not sure if I am totaly over what happened. More like I got past it and moved on. I still remember 2006 like it was yesterday. I cant remember much from the years before and some of 2007, 2008 and 2009. But 2006 was my year.

Some that have come thru cancer and survived say that there ilness defined them. Sad as it may seem my divorce defined me. And that is the way I look at it. Thats why 2006 was the year of years for me. This year of years made me stronger, tougher and harder. If I had to go thru this again then I know I could. If you can survive this you can survive anything.

This may be the biggest thing you will ever do. To do this alone like I did was hard.

Will this year haunt me for all my days? I suspect it will. But I learned a lot of lessons that year and subsequent years. And that is the positive take away from all this. C.

Thanks all.

At the moment life is a blur where I am not living but existing. It is a strange feeling of not doing loads of things each week but at the same time not having the time to do the things I want to do (I probably haven't explained that very well). I think it is a case of just being drained of energy all the time so subconsciously everything I have is being used to ensure that I get through the working week. On a Monday I don't know how I am going to get through another week and then suddenly it is Thursday. I don't know how I have managed to survive (I can't call it living) the last four months but I did it.

Inside my brain I am screaming to the world that I just want to have a normal life . I don't mean the life I had before because that isn't possible but just to be able to feel OK and contented.

Marshy

"Tainted" is an excellent way of putting it.

Hi Sonya. I came to find that "Normal" is just now. There is no "Normal" realy, just right this second.

The great thing about divorce is that it gives you a nice clean sheet of paper that you get to write the rest of yr life on. A clean fresh start. Perhaps this is something that you can start thinking about. To focus on. What would you like yr life to be like and plan it.

The other thing with divorce is that a large part of yr life just disapears. Just like that. And you are left very alone.

But as you enter yr new life it soon fills up pretty quickly. I used to sit on a chair for hours lost in my own thoughts. Now I need 36 hours a day to get thru it all. There is never enough time now.

I used to run "tainted" purges of the things that moved with me. Had she touched that cup that I had. The cup rack. Where did it come from? That towel. Was it the one in the bathroom in the FMH? Got to the point that I would throw out things becuase there was a risk that they were "tainted". Does it matter that the new cups are near the tainted cups? Perhaps if I chucked all the cups then they cant be tainted. Mad as it seems that what I used to do. Of course what does it matter if she touched the cup rack? Thats the way I was in those early days. C.

rainy wrote:
like you I am terrified of being alone (I've never lived alone for 29 years). You have taken that first step (well done!) I've been trying to take that first step for the last 3 years - but it's just too scary for me.

I hope one day I find the courage like you to leave.



Rainy, I don't know your situation so probably shouldn't comment. But after just 1 week in, I would implore you (if you've not done so already) to seek every possible avenue of reconciliation before taking the final step. It is an excrutiatingly painful process, but then again it maybe worth it at the end of it all. Each case is different.
db147