Re:access expectations for fathers

I am in the process of separating from my wife. My main concern is that of our 2 children, I would like to have equal access to them, where do I stand?

How old are your children and do you know their views and that of your wife? What are are both spouses established working and childcare patterns?

50:50 shared care seems to work best when parents work together and the biggest obstacle to 50:50 shared parenting after separation is the absence of 50:50 shared parenting before separation.

Our children are 11 and 9, they say they are happy to live 50:50 with each of us.

If your children want 50:50 then that is a good starting point but it will not guarantee that outcome.

Other factors to take into account are logistics, especially in relation to the school run; routines they currently have, i.e pre-arranged extra curricular and leisure activites; other family links/routines which should be maintained; whether your proposals are realistic and compatable with your work schedule; whether your wife was the/is the primary carer; any special needs your children may have,etc.

Your children are of an age where their feelings and wishes will carry more weight in Court than those of younger children. In addition, it won't be long before they will become the "enforcers of their own contact", especially when they are teenagers, dictating the parent they will see and when.

Many people claim shared residency only works if the parents can work together. However, there is more evidence to suggest shared residence actually leads to better communication and less conflict in the long term.

Google the custodyminefield. It'll direct you to all the latest peer reviewed and supported research which supports shared residency, many of the papers actually being written by UK researchers.

Thanks for that information.

Someone also mentioned the term 'parental control', is this a legal term? What does it mean?

People can think what they like, ultimately the only binding opinion is that of a judge at a final hearing. Research is conflicting and not routinely referred to in court.

Shared care/residence can be shared in different proportions from 50:50 and it's estimated only about 3% of separated parents share parenting equally 50:50. Most of those parents who share care 50:50 have agreed the arrangement and, although it isn't unusual for courts to make orders for shared residence, SROs for shared residence 50:50 aren't all that common. Therefore shared care 50:50 is more likely to work when it is agreed rather than court imposed.

There is no legal term 'parental control.' When parents were married they both have equal Parental Responsibility and rights to carry out those responsibilities, including guiding their children.

Another issue is that of taking the children on holiday. As we have not got along as a couple I have taken my children abroad on 3 occasions for no more than 10 days each time.

Their mother took them abroad for 6 weeks in one holiday last year, I was not happy about this for the reason that they missed 2 weeks of school and were away when I have my annual leave. I am concerned she will do this again. My feeling is that anythig more than 2 weeks is excessive, and missing a significant period of school is not in the interest of my children.

How can I prevent this type of long absence happening again?