Re:variation of a contact order

I had a contact oreder in place which was agreed that I saw my children every other weekend. my ex wife stated that she was strugging for money and couldnt afford the petrol for the frequency of contact, so we agreed a mutual arrangement to meet once a month and that I would have the children during school holidays,alternate christmas's and new years etc.
However she keeps changing dates to suit herself claiming they have family arrangments etc, when the children come to see me they say that they went to a babysitter or they didnt do anything that weekend at all. My ex wife has also been saying to the children that they dont have to do anything they are asked to by myself and my wife & most recently my son has been saying that i'm not his dad, he hates me and my ex wifes new partner is his dad.
I recieved a phone call where my ex wife was giving my son prompts on the phone calling me a liar and that he never wanted to see me, she then asked my daughter to do the same who burst into tears and refused to. I have contacted Childrens services who haven't wanted to help. In the meantime do I have the right to apply for a variation of the exsisiting contact order which lists all the changes that have been made to substain contact with my children?

Yes, you can make an application. I think it would be a good idea to do so as you are presently being marginalised in your children's lives. Frequency of contact is important so you need to think seriously about reversing the agreed variation and insisting on compliance with the present order.

You can apply to vary the order.

I would suggest that you consider what you would propose by way of contact arrangements rather than trying to tie it in with all the different changes which have been made.

For instance, if the original change was made becasue your ex couldn't afford the transpotr, one issue for you to consider is whether you can afford to colect and return the children - e.g. have fortnightly contact - one contact you do both halves of the travelling, the other you pick up the children and she collects them (so she is only doing one lot of travelling er month, which is what she says she can afford, but the children get to see you every fortnight)


So far as the inappropriate comments to the childrne are concerned, it is of coruse completely unaccaptable for her to be pressurising the childrne in this way, however, it is very hard to stop somone bhving like that. Waht you can do to help your childrne is ensure that you don't allow her to draw you in - don't respond in kind.

When the childrne are with you, reassure them that you are their dad, that you will always be there for them and that youa nd their mum will work out the arrangmets for contact, so they don't have to decide or to chose between them.

Suggest that they all their step-dad 'Daddy John' or 'Uncle John' and that they call you 'Daddy', so tat there is no confusuion, but make clear to them that you are not jealous and that you are happy for them to have a step-dad (even if you aren't - you're aiming to reduce the pressure on them, and show thm that they can be themselves when they are with you, and not worry about what they can or can't say)


How old are the children?

They are aged 5 & 7, the exsisting contact order stipulates that i collect them on the friday from her home and she collect them from mine on the sunday (a 200mile journy. we agreed that we would meet half way to collect and return the children still every other weekend. This still wasnt suitable and I found myself in order to see the children accepting once a month as she couldnt afford the petrol. To be fair has been difficult seeing them less often but it does save the children being couped up in a car 6 hours a month to only 3 hours.
Its the constant changes to agreements that are happening.
Does she have a duty to maintain the childrens consistant contact with myself even if it means that she has to pay her share of the petrol? I can remeber her stating that her solicitor told her she didnt hace to pay out for it as it was me that wanted to see my children...I assume she may have been bluffing as I dont get legal aid and can't see a solicitor whenever I want to.

If it was my children and I was you, I would make sure that I had enough money to pay for the petrol myself.

I would have no issue in the doing that if it wasn't for the fact that she has been in receipt of money that is way over what the CSA state should be paid for the past 5 years,(I do mean way over)& she works full time earning more than I do, and still plays the finance card to suit her needs! do I pay to support my children or my ex wifes lifestyle?

kvs - am truly sorry to read of the awful time your children have had.

It seems to me that you have the contact order you want, the issue is that you want it complied with.

One option might be writing to the ex and explaining that the contact order remains in effect and that your expectation is that it should be complied with, asking that she confirms her agreement in, say, seven days. The next stept would be a C79 to enforce the existing contact order.

Before doing anything can I suggest contacting families need fathers - they have a helpline, forums and meetings; a good place to access advice and support.