Mediation, Contact order??

Hi there, for the last year since my separation (and now divorce)myself and ex wife have only worked from the original paperwork submitted to the court when it comes to my 4 year old son. I basically have him every Tuesday evening for a stop over, and every other weekend.

The problem is nothing else was documented or agreed. This means every holiday/bank holiday, every time he's ill/I'm ill, if I can take him away etc.... has never been agreed. My ex wife seems to think she will decide these things as she is somewhat of a control freak. She has cancelled visits and won't let me take him on holiday for longer than 4 days.

I have written a document to her stating what it is I want in terms of hols, and basically trying to formalise everything we currently agrue about. I have then asked if she will attend mediation with me so we can agree on these points with a third party person. She refuses to attend.

So my question is, what next? If she says she will not attend mediation can she be instructed to by a solicitor/court?? What should my next step be? I have heard maybe submitting my document to my solicitor and have him send it to her, to formally request that she attends. If she continues to refuse do I need to go for a court order, and if so what are the likely costs/outcomes?

Thank you
Confused and frustrated

I think that there are two priorities

- getting your contact time agreed; eg equivillant replacement contact for illness, holiday time, etc, and..

- doing so in way that minimises the backlash from the ex.


In your shoes I would write (another) friendly letter inviting her to discuss a parenting plan.

Then, complete a C100 (about £200) and file it at court. When you serve the papers on the ex include a covering letter softening the blow - perhaps you could say a third party looking at things will help give both parties peace of mind, basically present the application as your way of trying to make things better for everyone, but mainly the child.

At court, you are applying for a defined contact order. Given the current levels of contact you are in a fairly strong position.

I don't know your circumstances but you could self represent to keep costs down? There doesnt seem to be any real child welfare issues involved, just negotiating contact time. Might be an idea to google families need fathers who have a help line and internet forums for additional advice.

The court can only instruct her to attend mediation at a hearing.Thats what happened in my case.The case was adjourned for mediation.However I've struggled to get my ex to attend so have written to the court to ask for my case to be re-listed.

If you can get her to attend mediation before a hearing and reach agreement,it would be hard for her to then try to go back on the agreement in court when shes only just agreed to it.

Applying to take her to court before you go to mediation will probably annoy her and mean she def won't agree to go.On the other hand maybe applying will scare her into agreeing mediation.

You could also maybe write to her and let her know if she doesnt agree mediation then you will be applying to the court.

Thanks for both responses. I am going to write to her again requesting she agrees to attend mediation, else I will apply for a court order.

Obviously my main concern is securing the time with my son, but money also comes into this. I've been told it could cost me roughly 6k to secure this, and even then there is a risk I could have my time reduced with my son. If I submit the form to the court (£200) what are the next stages?

If she attends mediation, and then agrees to what I have asked, but breaks it in the future, where do I go then? If we agree just at mediation it's not a legal document is it, so it can't be enforced, am I in any stronger position??

Thanks for everybody's input, it's much needed!!

Cost depends on how long the court process will last.For a solicitor to take you as far as the first hearing I was quoted between £1000-£1500.
You could use a McKensie Friend which would cost you alot less or just go it alone.

Considering your current contact isnt much I can't really see you getting less awarded in a court order.

If you agree contact in mediation which you are happy with then you should be in a stronger posistion I would think.If she broke it and you went to court she would have to say why she isnt happy for you to have the contact that she actually agreed to in mediation.

Next step after handing in your C100 to apply for a court hearing would be to prepare a position statement.