So far...

Wife of 7 years made an allergation against me a few weeks ago, she didnt follow through with a statement and that coupled with the fact that my injuries confirmed my account [as well as another witness who heard the fracas] meant i was released no further action.

Not the first time the wife has held the threat of arrest over my head, when in reality it is her with anger management issues. i have gone to councilling and anger management [at that stage to hopefully encourage her to do the same] and they were happy i seemed level headed, and i left trying to get joint councilling but she wasnt interested [cos it wasnt her and it cost too much].

i always thought i was level headed enough not to let things spiral as far as they went but i have to admit getting that wrong and more shamefully my 5 year old daughter witnessed my wifes ranting and her assualt on me [tried to pull me down the stairs]

when i arrived home wife had left with daughter to live with mother in law round the corner and so to protcet both of us and our daughter i changed the locks.
i am more than happy to be reasonable towards all aspects of a separation but my wife doesnt feel the same, encouraged and backed by her mother.
since then i have not been allowed any access to my daughter [which is what hurts the most], solicitors involved now. the only communication i am having is via the mother in law. i am only txting or emailing to make sure everything is recorded and there can be no allergations but wife wont reply at all and all replies are coming through mother in law.
Mother in law has always wanted more involvement in daughters up bringing ever since her husband died a few years ago so she is very happy at the situation but may not be happy at their taking up space at hers...
i am trying to be professional and calm but am desperate to hear and see daughter. my wife and mother in law regularly talk about me infornt of my daughter and i have come home from work on 2 occasions to find them in the kitchen of our open plan house to hear them having a go at me and daughter sat on the settee ignoring the tv and listening to their conversation. [both times i had to pretend to come in again louder and i didnt confront them as i tend to end up with both of them having a go at me and me feeling worse...i have heard they are poisoning my daughter against me and the only excuse from mother in law about contact is that daughter 'doesnt want to see you'. much as i love my daughter she is very good at playing us off against each other, i am always the one to discipline her on the naughty step [or try while mother in law is stood over my shoulder tut tutting me] and daughter immediately runs to mummy for cuddles to be told daddy is mean...etc. hence me being 'mean daddy' to her. saying that when i have her to myself she is great because she knows the boundaries that are set. i am sure when she is with wife and mother in law she is equally good on the whole as she tends to get exactly what she wants because wife doesnt like a public scene and doesnt like to dissapoint her.
i think court will be the only option and it cant happen quick enough for me but i am not sure how supportive the court will be of the fact that i have not been allowed any contact [probably between now and the hearing date]
please feel free to offer advice or opinions... i can be a pain to live with but will always try to compromise unfortunately wife doesnt tend to do compromises and on the rare occasion she has admitted fault in anything her mother gets involved and convinves her once again that she was right and i was wrong so nothing changes...
please be gentle with!!
atb

Hi Toka,

The immediate thing I suggest you do is get your injuries looked at by a doctor, go to A&E if necessary. Make sure you are AOK and get treatment if not and get the visit logged.

You are going to have a very hard time ahead of you so don't make things worse for yourself by shrugging off violence and 'being a man'.

"Being a man" could end up with you being right royally shafted in a succession of ever increasingly depressing and soul destroying ways.

You want to be treated gently so I shall only one thing more - do not pretend to come in again and louder. Be yourself and be the father your daughter needs.

Good luck matey!

YA

cheers...yes I have to live with the fact that reporting some of what went on earlier may have helped? But my wife wasn't /isn't well, she suffers from M.E. and I idnt want to cause her any more stress than needed...on top of the fact if I did I would get it in the neck from mother in law who was round at ours daily.
my injuries were documented straight away all be it minor ones to my back. Am waiting a 'letter from the neighbours as to what they heard...to hopefully support me in that it was my wife going beserk (only word for it) not me...
Will see how it goes but it could be a long time before I see daughter sadly... that said I don't know if the school would allow me to see her there during a break time etc...but I can see problems when daughter tells mum and granny who she saw in school...atb

If you want to see your daughter then fill this C100 form online,print off 4 copies and take them to your local court on monday.
Your hearing will be a few weeks later.

http://www.thecustodyminefield.com/CourtForms/C100.pdf

If you can't afford a solicitor then consider a McKensie Friend which you will find below.
http://www.fnf.org.uk/law-and-information/mckenzie-friends-li stings

The longer you delay the longer you won't see your daughter.

thanks Joe... i have printed that out and will fill it in etc. i go to see the solicitor on tuesday so will ask him to lodge it with the court..
atb

c100 filled out! court will copy it for me. i am now wondering if i need to fill out c1a form to highlight a few incidents where my daughter witnessed my wife lose her temper with me resulting in me being slapped or hit/abused by my wife...
should i mention this on c1a? what are the pros and cons...there are some other concerns as to whether my wife is on steroids [bodybuilding training] which may also account for an increase in her 'temper' of late.
i didnt report any of the incidents believing it was down to my wife not being well and put up with it thinking she would get better. i did however diarise these incidents at the time having sought legal advice for difficulties with our relationship at that time...
i have asked the solicitor who has suggested i look into this form c1a.
my solicitor is willing to act as an advisor in my contact order so as to reduce costs, so in a better place i think financially.... 4-6 weeks though for first hearing...
atb

I wanted to give my two pennies worth but ought to mention this is just layman's advice, so take with a pinch of salt.

I think children being exposed to DV is a legitimate child welfare concern. The history of DV might demonstrate why a court order is necessary for contact and might also help strengthen an arguement for third party handovers to prevent the children being exposed to further parental conflict.

If you raise the issue of DV I think it would be important to do so in relation to your contact order. Remember, you are applying for contact not residence - there is little benefit in general comments about how bad the ex's parenting is.

I think the dangers are once the allegation is made on the C1A the ex's hostile position will become entrenched with the chances of her making spuriouse counter allegations increased. Post court, the relationship between you both is likely to be poisened.

There are arguements on both sides, my feeling would be to hold fire on the C1A to be honest and see what direction things take at court. You could always make reference to these incidents during proceedings.