I\'m still standing!

Dear Lou

I believe some children (I have 1)are naturally more difficult and strong willed. And those who never have any problems have the placid children!

It is horrible to be so disappointed with your child because how they behave and can be a real struggle to maintain authority with them. I know how you feel as I have sometimes wondered what on earth I can do next to get them to listen.

It sounds like things could be getting better for you! Someone once told me that the stubborness, impatience and being strong willed turns into determination and ambition in adulthood!!!! So here's looking forward to then xx

Perhaps the worst case scenario would be your relationship breaking down and you locating the blame with your kids, it would be too big a burden for them to carry.

Your children have gone through a lot. The separation of parents, the parental conflict, step parents, their fathers absenting themselves from their lives, amd of course a new step father. Am sure you'd agree your kids are not bad, lazy or defective; perhaps they simply have unanswered emotional needs which is reflected in their behaviour? To be on the safe side may I suggest speaking to your GP and seek a referral to CAHMS so that any additional support needs can be assessed.

Hi Zonked,
Thanks for your reply.
My relationship is not breaking down though, we're very happy. The insecurity was mine with my older kids being nightmares (a fear instilled in me as my ex (father of youngest 2) told me one of the reasons he left was because of the older kids.
I spoke to my partner yesterday and said I was surprised he hadnt packed his bags and moved out with what the kids have been up to over the last few days...and his reply was "I'm going nowhere".
The kids HAVE all been through a lot and as you can probably tell from this thread I'm not the only one with nightmare teens...things have settled now...son is with his dad for a few days and has phoned to apologise and daughter being so apologetic and nice that I'm worrying shes going to turn into a nun (not really...lol).
I was venting my frustration in my first post, was a bad day...we all have those.
I have mentioned CAHMS to my doctor who is looking into it for me...I have another meeting with him at the end of September.
I have things in hand...and for the time being peace reigns in this house.
Lou xx

It should be obvious to the warring parties here that advice given is only one person's opinion and we shouldn't take it to heart when this doesn't meet with our approval.

We can only give advice as we interpret the few lines of text without knowing the people personally, we really need to maintain a mutual respect when posting on these boards.

Chris.

Wise words Chris and thank you.
I have used this forum a lot over the past few years at times when I found it hard to move forward and I have to say I was quite taken aback at the "sharp" replies I received early on in the thread.
I WAS ashamed and embarrassed of my children smoking and stealing money my partner had been saving for our holiday and I struggle to understand any parent who say they wouldn't be.
I think in our world your children reflect on you, the parents and carers. I only have to drive through a council estate in our town (with an awful reputation - and no, I'm not class-ist...my parents live on a lovely council eatate in a council house)and see little dots, younger than my youngest child, walking the street at 9pm alone..wearing rags with shaved heads, sticking two fingers up at passing cars etc and I wonder what hope there is for them. Their behaviour though to me is understood..this is how they've been brought up...my kids live in a nice area, go to a good school (I battled and battled, appeal after exhausting appeal to get them into it), we have a lot of "family time", they dont go without due to me breaking my back working and so bearing this in mind their behaviour this week shocked me to the core.
I hope I've explained myself properly and not offended anyone.
Lou xx

If you look at the timing of the bad behaviour Lou,that's a factor.
Long summer holiday,been looking after themselves as such when you're at work.
Too much hanging around with their peers,the smoking is peer pressure and the taking of the money is so that they can look big buying things in front of their mates.
I was with my 13 yr old son the other month and I see all these kids riding up the high street on their bmx's on the wrong side of the road all shouting and hollering.looked like a right bunch of thugs.His head goes down so they don't see him with embarrassing Dad and I'm like feck me that's all your mates innit.
Then I thought I know what he gets up to now when he's out on his bike,and it has nothing to do with emulating Lance Eriksen at the Tour de France.
All the best
Pete

haha Haway your posts always make me smile!
You're right though..peer pressure...and my god, if I think back to when I was 14 my kids are angels!!
...and just before I get any nasty posts the kids havent looked after themselves over the summer...my younger 2 have a child minder and if my daughter who's almost 18 wasent at home my son who's 12 was cared for by his grandparents or aunt or a couple of times came to work with me and was given a couple of quid for tidying the office etc.
Right you lot....housework!
Lou xx