Fathers right to be involved??

HER - March 15 at 7:37pm Report



if hes not happy seeing her once a week then im quite happy to take him to court, as they will grant him one hour in a contact centre every other week for the next two years. im being fairer than the courts will be!!!

im not going to keep explaining myself to you or anyone.

im not prepared to discuss this anymore. as far as im concerned im being fair letting him see her every week.

ME - March 15 at 7:48pm

He would like to see her for longer than an hour so he can do the odd bottle and nappy and hopefully catch the odd smile... is that ever going to be possible?? Or would you rather talk to him properly about it on sunday when he comes round and come to an agreement that you are both happy with?


And guess what - NO REPLY!!! will see what happens when he goes on sunday!!

Please remove all real names from your post as they can identify the child which is against the law if she is likely to be the subject of legal proceedings.

Sadie

Hi Linzie
My ex walked out on me in the early stages of pregnancy with our third child. Whilst waiting for him to be born, my ex took me to court for 50/50 residency of the other two children (3 & 5) so we have been through the court process and it's not fun! There was no contact blocking as is happening in your brother's case - ex had the children 3/7 nights and until baby was 5 months old, he denied he was the father.

We had to go through the CAFCASS process (this is the court social work service, if you like) and the recommendations as far as the baby was concerned were 'little and often' so my ex now has him every Monday and Tuesday for 4 hours and every other Saturday and Sunday for 4 hours. He also sometimes comes round in the early evening for an hour or so. Baby now recognises my ex and sooner rather than later, he will be going overnight to him (sob!).

So, on this basis, your brother shouldn't fear the court route. However, it sounds like the ex has done a bit of homework and realises that contact centres are an option - your brother will need to be careful that he doesn't get into any confrontational situations with her, particularly where he loses his temper so that she cannot accuse him of being abusive, aggressive etc. Can you go with him on the Sundays so he has a witness? Of course, having the witness may be viewed as confrontational and cause problems in itself - I guess it's about weighing up the situation really.

The other issue I wanted to pick up on was the maintenance - is he paying cash or through his bank account direct to hers? If it's cash, he might want to consider stopping that (you can't trace it, she can deny she ever receives it). A standing order marked 'child maintenance' into her account every week would go a long way to showing the ex he means business. If necessary, he would then have 'evidence' for court that he is fulfilling his responsibilities (although the courts don't look at money and children in the same breath - your brother has a right to see his child regardless of whether he pays or not). Alternatively, he can contact the CSA and go through them (there is a maintenance calculator on their website so he can see how much he should be paying). And let's face it, if she's happy to take his money, she should be happy for him to have PR and see his child!

Thanks so much for your replys.. im forwarding all this on to my brother and my dad who is arranging an appointment with a solicitor this week... I just worry that the court route will annoy her even more and im scared she will make it even harder for him... but i guess even if he does end up with an hour every other week at least he can say to the baby when shes older he tryed.. its crazy how the men who dont care and walk away have the women fighting to get them to see thier kids and the ones that want to be involved get pushed away... When he went this sunday just gone she was late and said he couldnt hold the baby as she was asleep - it took her dad to say 'come on let him have a cuddle'..and then instead of letting him have a whole hour with her she rushed off 2 see her friends.. its just mad.. i really wish she could find some middle ground and see it from his side.. is she immature or just being spiteful? i realy dont know.. i think if he asks for her bank details this week it would show her hes starting to take action.. but im certain she will say well if you dont give me cash you cant see her atall.. mayb they could try mediation but i really dont think she will listen to anyone... she slates him on facebook to all of their friends and puts him down contantly... i just dont get it.. ive asked her to explain the 'truth' to me as shes certain my bro is lying but she wont... i even met up with her just before she had the baby and had a good 4hour convo with her about how they could sort things - i really thought id got somewhere but it went in one ear and out the other!! do you think he should sort the bank details out and carry on seeing her 4 an hour untill he has a bit of a papertrail then in a month or so after shes let him be part of her life then apply for a contact order... if he doesnt annoy her between now and then and give her reason to cause a prob then do you think it will work in my bros favour?