Fathers right to be involved??

What a mess!! Right where do i start.. My younger 19 year old brother was with his 22 yr old ex for 2years they had a rocky relationship to say the least but there was never any cheating or abuse of any kind... she got pregnant and although not planned all was happy... after her 12 week scan she told him she didnt love him anymore and it was over... loving her like he did he tryed to contact her and sort things out and really wanted them to be a familly... She ignored him all the way through the pregnancy apart from to take £850 off him for baby things.. untill she blew up near the end as she had had enough of him asking questions... questions like 'how is our baby girl - i hope your ok' She didnt tell him when she had had the baby and posted it on facebook first along with photos and birth details etc etc.. he was an after thought as far as she was concerned! she has let him see the baby for an hour every sunday since the baby has been born but even got the baby registered with out telling him even though he had asked her a number of times when and where she was getting it done so he could be there. So hes not on the birth cert. He has given her £20 every time hes been to see her and this sunday just gone after he gave her the money she demanded he give her £37 a week from now on.. he said ok but can i start to see her for more than an hour as i havnt chnaged her nappy... fed her or even seen her smile yet... and she said no... if your not happy with an hour then you wont see her atall... where does my brother stand? She wont talk 2 him.. she watches him when he holds the baby and picks at every little movement he makes... i just dont see an end to the mess... ive tryed to reason with her but no luck.. help!!!
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Hi,
I don't know how old the child is now but I'm assuming that she's still just months old.
It sounds like the mother is playing at "it's my dolly and I say when you can have it"
It's quite common, especially for young first time mums who have split from the father.

Ok,
The best advice I can offer at this time is for him to continue to play her little game for now and in a few months if she hasn't relented and when contact has been firmly established he should apply for a defined contact order along with a parental responsibility order.

He will be allocated proper contact progressing to staying contact as the child grows older.
When he recieves the PR order he should then go to the registry office, obtain a copy of the childs birth cert and they will give him a form to fill in to have himself registered as the father.
I think he will need to return to the court for varys of the contact order as the child grows to gain more and more contact.

All of these court hearings can quite easily be self represented as long as she doesn't start making allegations so the best thing for him now is to bite his lip and keep her sweet for a while longer.
By allowing him to see the child reguarly, even for a short amount of time she's actually digging a legal hole for herself and will not be able to put forward a reasonable arguement against his contact application when he finally does apply.

My daughter was nearly 5 and 6yrs old when I got orders so you may get better advice from other members with more relevent experience or knowledge.

Am no legal expert but wanted to throw in my two pennies worth.

I think he needs to apply for a contact order and for parental respondibility. If affording a solicitor is a problem he could represent himself as an alternative to legal aid. He would download court form C1OO and file it at the county court nearest to his ex. He could also contact families need fathers for additional advice and support, they're realy good.

Court can make people life long enemies, so anything that he can do to minimise the backlash would be sensible. Perhaps your brother could suggest to the ex that his court action is only meant to try and sort things out and clear the air. That he what he realy wants is to work together as parernts. Perhaps an invitation to family mediation would be an idea.

Hope this helps.

Thankyou... yes the baby is only 6 weeks old but hes starting to get quite frustrated that he hasnt even changed a nappy yet or given her a bottle.. i just really feel for him... she wont listen to her parents who questioned her when she told my brother he couldnt take a photo of the baby on his mobile phone.. its just getting really petty and i dont see it getting any easier... he may only be 19 but he has a full time job (not great pay) a flat and a car so hes pretty grounded and just wants to be a daddy even though he knows he wont ever see her as much as he would like... an hour a week isnt enough time for him to bond but i guess hes going to have to lump it and carry on for a while... i suppose the best thing about it is the baby is only a few weeks old and doesnt understand yet.. i just hope it gets sorted before she can start to understand as god knows what her mum will say then... I have 3 little boys myself and my ex left when our youngest was 4months old but ive always encouraged him to see them kids... they need their dad even if i cant stand the sight of him... i just wish she would put the babys feelings over her own and see her dad being there and wanting to help is a good thing... hes moved on and doesnt want her back but im not sure if thats the reason she is being a plonker... she thinks if she gives him and inch he will take a mile? ohhhh women!!!!

Hi

You say your brother is getting quite frustrated now, not a very nice feeling.If he has tried all avenues possible to communicate with her and she wont, I would go to a solicitor and have a letter sent to her asking if she would agree to mediation.
A letter from a solicitor may be all she needs to see the light.She needs to realize that she is not taking your brothers rights away from him, but the child's rights to see her father.
I am presently going through much the same,and after months of playing x,s game I went to solicitors and had a letter sent asking if she would attend mediation,unfortunately she ignored that letter.
I then applied to the court for a defined contact order. When x received paper work for that , I think she realized what she was doing did not look good on her and allowed me four hours contact once a week. Then after a brief first hearing she upped that to six hours. I am now waiting for the final hearing at the end of the month.
Your brothers frustration will not get any better, I went through hell over Christmas. But taking action will help with the frustration. You need to make a plan of how you will deal with this and what steps you will take after trying different approaches. If you don't the frustration could lead to anger and your brother making things worst for him self. He needs to focus on his daughter and not what the x is doing if that makes sense at all.

Good luck

Hi

You say your brother is getting quite frustrated now, not a very nice feeling.If he has tried all avenues possible to communicate with her and she wont, I would go to a solicitor and have a letter sent to her asking if she would agree to mediation.
A letter from a solicitor may be all she needs to see the light.She needs to realize that she is not taking your brothers rights away from him, but the child's rights to see her father.
I am presently going through much the same,and after months of playing x,s game I went to solicitors and had a letter sent asking if she would attend mediation,unfortunately she ignored that letter.
I then applied to the court for a defined contact order. When x received paper work for that , I think she realized what she was doing did not look good on her and allowed me four hours contact once a week. Then after a brief first hearing she upped that to six hours. I am now waiting for the final hearing at the end of the month.
Your brothers frustration will not get any better, I went through hell over Christmas. But taking action will help with the frustration. You need to make a plan of how you will deal with this and what steps you will take after trying different approaches. If you don't the frustration could lead to anger and your brother making things worst for him self. He needs to focus on his daughter and not what the x is doing if that makes sense at all.

Good luck

Yeah i think that may be a start.. they havnt spoken properly since she was 12 weeks pregnant as she just ignores every attempt by my brother - she has even told him he can only txt her once a week to see how baby is and even then she rearly replys.. the last time she replied was to tell my bro not to put a smiley face at the end of txts!!!!! Its a joke.. hes trying to keep the situation friendly and go with what she wants but i think her aim at the mo is 2 push him 4 a reaction and a reason he wont be able to see the baby... like a big row! I recently stated a few facts to her and told her how things are from my brothers side like how upset he was when she registered her etc and she just said if hes not happy im willing to take him 2 court and he will get an hour in a contact centre every other weekend so she said shes being fairer than the courts will be.. and then laughed and said hes a 19 yr old lad the courts wont look at him twice!!! I almost exploded!!! Whats the likely hood of him getting an hour everyother wkend?