Help with Contact @ Christmas

Really need some help,

Me and wife are sorting out Sep agreement with SOL's. Taking a while which is really anoying wife.

Wife has set out her proposals for contact. She will be MC.

In essence I agree its just when it comes to arrangemnets at christmas thats a problem.

I work away 4/4 so some christmas periods I won't be home at all. So no issue there.
Wife proposes that I get kids every other christmas. Ok fine. But when I looked at it more closely she has it that I get the kids on christmas morning at midday until 27th.
Not happy about this at all.!
The reason is that it means I will never have the kids on Christmas eve into Christmas mornings.
I have told her that I think thats very unfair. She states tough & that its unegotiable.

sHE SAYS THAT ALL HER FAMILY AGREE WITH HER on this. I don't beleive this & whern I get back from work will discuss with them as its just not fair at all.

Can anyone give advice on how they have contact for kids set up over Christmas & how have the kids found things working.

I want to put in out agreement that we see how things go (thats when we have finally agreed that is) from the kids point of view & if they would like it to change that we can listen to there views on it. Our kids are 7 & 11.

L4N

Alternate Christmases are quite usual for separated families - but it is about finding a workable solution that fits best for both parties, and the children.

My ex-partner and I have been doing alternate Christmases for about 8 years now - and it works well for us, and the children love it. They get 2 Christmases, with both parents during the festive period.

Im struggling to see the validity of all her family agreeing with her over the Christmas morning issue - of course they will agree, they wont have a unbiased version of events!

When a clause is written into a SA, and the SA is then registered, there is limited scope to change the clause(s) - although it is possible to change child arrangements as the children age, and circumstances change - but I would be wary about putting in restrictive clauses over holidays, etc into the SA, and would feel it better to leave things open-ended if possible, with a view to being able to make informal arrangements between the two parties. IE - if you are due to have the children for Christmas on a certain year, but cant due to work, then effectively you will be breaking the terms of the SA...

Hi RT,

Thanks for your reply.

I am very interested to hear what you said about SA & whats agreed for holidays etc.

My work away would change now and then so as you mention I would be breaking the SA terms.

I suppose whatever I agree to we could put in subject to variation due to my work commitments?

I still have a good relationship with my wifes parents and her sisters. Which my wife hates. So they know alot of what has been going on and know what I am like. I think she is just trying to sucker me on this & make me feel bad or upset me.

I just can't beleive that all her family would agree that it would be fair that I cant enjoy having the kids on Christmas eve & wake up with them the nxt day!
I might be wrong but have to give it a go & maybe they can get her to change her mind.

Wife is stupid as she is already Peed off how long the SA is taking. But when she puts in things like kids contact thats not fair its no wonder as I am pretty much in agreement re finances!

aT THE END OF THE DAY IT SHOULD REALLY BE WHAT MAKES THE KIDS HAPPIEST!

Thanks again will have to discuss this further with my very expensive SOL.

L4N

For what its worth, I do agree that its unfair to deprive the children the opportunity to wake up with Dad on Christmas morning, and doing all the usual Christmas Eve/Morning stuff that children like to do with their parents.

ND,

I agree with you that its all about the kids.

The reason I mention her family is that my wife isn't prepared to budge on this so I need there assistance to see that it would be best for the kids to alternate at christmas & try and make her see sense over the whole issue.

I really don't want to have to ask our kids what they want at this stage as they don't need to be put in any position or pressure. tHIS WHOLE THING IS AND WILL BE HARD ENOUGH for them!

L4N

Hi,
We have a situation which works very well indeed.
I have my daughter for the first half of the Xmas holiday this year with handover at 5pm on Xmas day, then next year the dates are reversed so that she wakes up at mums house and comes to me at 5pm.
She's happy, I'm happy, and her mum?....................................................................... ...............Well who cares? she created all the heartache.