Advice - Fathers Acces to Children

Recriminations aren't useful from any side. Self-righteousness alienates others and is often a shaky unstable prop for one's ego.

Someone who leaves a marriage has often spent many months or even years trying to reconcile feelings of disillusionment, dissatisfaction, anxiety etc about the marriage before a decision to separate and/or divorce is reached. Coping attempts include getting angry at, confronting, and quarreling with a spouse; withdrawing from a spouse; escaping into work or into excessive time with friends; or extra-marital affairs. Most leaving spouses don't set out to hurt the other spouse or damage long term family relationships any more than most parents don't set out to use a child as a weapon. New partners don't usually intend to escalate conflict by taking on disputes as their own. Being human means that people have different dispositions and emotion can overrule logic.

Fiona wrote:
Being human means that people have different dispositions and emotion can overrule logic.

And having a bloody good rant here can virtually help release emotion allowing more logic in the real world/situation

E

just a little update.
New update got a nice threatning phone call to stay away last night. Denied of course by X but why do things have to get out of control like this. Jesus it was 16 months ago.
What happended to the saying things will get easier with time

Billy

Not a great situation to be in.

I am the new partner (well, newish ptnr) of someone who left his wife due to her controlling and emotionally abusive behaviour, for over 15 years. He was in fact the first person that stood up to her in her life and no matter what she doesnt take any responsibility for the marriage breakdown.
Unfortunately, this behaviour intesified in regards to contact with the children even before I was on the scene, and although I have never been brought into the arguements or concerns in regards to contact directly or to the children, both my OH and I have been privvy to conversations that ex has had regarding our relationship. Albeit hearsay, there is no doubt in our minds that this is one of the contributing factors for her constant need for control.
I understand how the ex must feel, this was not her idea of how her future was going to pan out, this is what has happened and she is only dealing with it the way she knows, however that does not mean it is the correct way of dealing, or that the childrens needs are coming first.
She has a new partner, is doing better financially without my OH now but she still 'lends' the children out to him when she sees fit. I don't think for a second that even if it was ever to become a 50/50 shared care arrangement that she would ever view my OH as an equal parent. He accepts that, and now is learning how to deal with her behaviour in addition to ensuring the childrens needs are put first when they are with him.
He did have to attend court, and altho they agreed the current contact arrangments via consent, it was not enough nor was it sufficient for the children. But it is all baby steps.
If your ex is going to be difficult and you do not see a way forward then you will probably have to attend court.
In the meantime, secure your OWN residence, CAFCASS may become involved and they need to be assured that the home you have is child focused.
It is a lot to expect that the overnight contact could coincide with you moving in with your partner. Unfortunately these situations are all about baby steps.
I am not saying put your life on hold, but you do need to prioritise. If you and ptnr DO move in together, expect that if you do go to court for contact, your ex will state that she does not want her there during contact times. Altho technically she has no right to dictate who or when unless there are safety concerns she may dig her heels in on this one and you might get to stalemate. If you do protest initially and you can not agree, CAFCASS may be ordered to write a report and this could take ages, all the while contact dwindles and becomes infrequent. This is not healthy for the children.