Fiona
You make some very valid points, particularly about the
likening to bereavement and the range of emotions a person might feel when
they lose someone for whatever reason. I know from experience that the same
emotions are experienced by a father who suddenly has his
contact with his children
stopped.
I would say however that most parents would surely want
to see their children happy. A friend of mine who lost her husband when he
committed suicide felt all those emotions but had to manage them around her
children as she wanted to reduce their suffering as much as possible.
Instead she unburdened her grief to friends, family and a bereavement
counsellor.
The point I am making is that no matter how angry
and emotional a person might feel I disagree that it is just being human to
pass that emotion onto your children. They too have lost someone when a
relationship breaks down and need the support of both their parents to get
them through it. Using them as weapons to punish is not just being human
imo, it is selfish, spiteful and unacceptable.
The OP's ex is
entitled to be angry, as is anyone in that situation, but using the
children in this way by trying to control and dictate their time with their
father - something which is very likely to impact on his relationship with
him, is wrong however you try to dress it up.
Milla