thoughts on how to deal with the other parent

Excellent, thought provoking post rubes that will be useful to many facing contact issues

As for sparking debate, albeit not intentional on your part, it is a rather volatile topic for those affected by contact issues past or present...with many feeling little empathy for their lack of contact situation...that is judged incorrectly as "you played a part" by many well intending contributors that either havent a clue or dont give a damn...it aint happenin to them...so what do they know...what they read in books

As such many will avoid input...and as for the empty trivia...it will insense the raw as well as disgust those further down the line.

E

nbm1708 wrote:
In which case, although we might not WANT to contact our ex's, there are times when we HAVE to. When we have children together we forgo that luxury of choice because it takes two to make a child not one.

Some do not have the option of contact T....and whilst I respect anyones endeavours to contact...there are cases where this is not possible.

E

Elle wrote:

nbm1708 wrote:
In which case, although we might not WANT to contact our ex's, there are times when we HAVE to. When we have children together we forgo that luxury of choice because it takes two to make a child not one.

Some do not have the option of contact T....and whilst I respect anyones endeavours to contact...there are cases where this is not possible.

E

Hi Elle,

apologies if I've offended. I didn't mean to. The issues of contact came very much to the forefront this week with my eldest son being rushed to another hospital from the one he was in for emergency surgery.

This very much brought to the me the upset etc and how not to have told my ex initially and to have any way prevented contact and visiting, even with all the acrimony we have had between us and contact issues etc would have been inhumane which is why i did not do it.

Whether or not she would do the same for me with our other two children has yet to be seen and I hope to god the situation never arises.

T

nbm1708 wrote:
[b] apologies if I've offended I didn't mean to. The issues of contact came very much to the forefront this week with my eldest son being rushed to another hospital from the one he was in for emergency surgery.

T,

No apology required even if I was offended...which I wasn't

I pray your son is well..take care

E

Thanks Rubes, some good straightforward common sense.

I also like what Suckerfora... wrote. It's hard to sit there and say you were wrong and that is why a lot of these situations arise I think. Someone makes a mistake but then feels they have to stick by their mistake to save face.

I personally think all you can do is be as controlled and caring as you can be even though it is under extreme pressure. You can only control your own behaviour and once you let go of trying to control what others do you feel a lot more in control (that probably sounds a bit stupid but it's true).

In my own situation I am hoping that should it come to it CAFCASS and the courts see this type of thing every day and can see through any lies, spite and resentment.

I've never had much faith in "the system" before but I'm hoping it doesn't let me down now I am relying on it.

Very interesting thread.

Which I will take both sides into account.

My wife and me going thru separation & after wife got my inital response to her sep proposals has how I can I say or put it. I think lost the plot & forgotten what a great mother she is (and will continue to be).

The only thing upto now that we didn't have a problem with was that she said she will never stop the kids from seeing me. Which she won't but as we are supposed to be in a adult discussion about how much & when I will se both our kids.
She has let my counter proposals get in the way big time.
She said that instead of us arranging contact she will be doing it thru her SOL now!
To say I am gutted would be putting it mildy!

I said to her stop trying to use the kids as a tool just because you are not happy with my counter proposals. Which by the way I think aren't to bad IMHO. Plus this is all about negotiation I thought so not its like its my way or the highway!

The really gauling thing is that the real people who will suffer will be our kids if wife gets her way.

I haven't seen her response from her SOL yet. But they way she was ranting. I just know she is going to try & hurt me with this.

In fact we are supposed to be telling the kids when I get back from work this time that we are separating & agreed to do this together. Which better still stand. But wife was going on about we need to tell them whats what & how its all going to pan out in the initial stages. Now if she is going to play hard ball over contact until we sort this we can't let the kids know exactly what when & who they will be with to give them that stability that will need in this emotional period.

This is really stressing me out.

But back to orginal thread great stuff. So glad for all the help & advice that I have read & been given on here.

L4N

This thread may also be worth a read of ANY parent going through contact issues...

http://www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Divorce-Advice/Reply-to/Cont act-and-Residency.html?replyto=181503


E

Ideal situation would be for both parents to follow the great advice set out by RubyT.

However if one parent remains hostile then I guess the problem for the other parent boils down to patience and stamina. The reasonable parent will have to "turn the cheek" a lot of times and might only see the benefits to their children many years down the line. Worth it in the end though...