Re:expartner

Hi I would like some advice please.
My partner of eleven years has just recently asked me to leave as she met someone else.we have two children aged 10 + 7.I work away from home offshore.about 2 years ago I suspected her of having an affair which after she "attempted suicide took some paracetomol and alcohol"admitted.I was gutted but because of the kids and I still loved her tried to put it behind us which was difficult as it caused problems with the whole family as she wasn't as discreet as she thought she was.
Everthing seemed to be getting normal again when 3 month ago a letter comes through the post regarding benefit fraud,we stay in council house which I thought we paid rent etc,we have separate bank accounts and I paid all the bills I.e electricity gas,sky etc.I put between 150 to 250 a week into her account for food,rent etc.well when this letter came through she admitted that she falsely for past 6 years claimed I didn't live there and had said to the benefit agency and CSA we had an agreement that I paid her 140 a week.Well at some point she must have pissed someone off because they shopped her.when interviewed she denied everything even though all my mail,work details etc went to that address.I told her to come clean and we would sort it,but she refused.at the time I was having to work away longer than usual.about six weeks ago I started receiving text messages about my partner having an affair with a "community" warden,when confronted she intially denied it,then admitted she had,but made out it was because all the stress and everything and he during his rounds had been pestering her for a date and the more he was around and i wasn't she confided in him and started going out with him.I moved out and she's received a bill for 20,000 for benifit fraud,I think the council is also going to hit her for another 20000.I havnt been contacted by the social etc and I checked with the CSA and they said to give her 140 per week.
I am considering contacting the social as she is still going to claim I wasn't there but I know she would make it bell to see the kids and this muppet that she's seeing has said he'll let her move in to his (with my 2 kids) this is a nightmare I don't if she's doing all this to try and get off with this.she is also not getting any money from the social,and I don't want the kids to suffer but I think i should shop her and him(at the end of the day he was working for the council when hanging round my street)
Any advice would be helpful.
I live in Scotland so I don't think commonlaw wife applies.

Hi,

Sorry to hear about your situ.

A few similarities in that I work away offshore etc.

Anyway you have come to the right place for a wealth of free knowledge and experience of these types of things.

As was mentioned see your local CAB for free advice & also there are some SOL's who will give you free initial meeting of up to about 1/2 an hour. But not many when I looked where I stayed.

My 1st advice is to take a step back and don't do anything rash. Get as much info as possible then look at your options as to the best way forward.
Get as many questions answered on here and if you have to get further paid advice. Make a list of things you want to discuss so's not to waste your money as SOLS aren't cheap. Plus don't plump for the 1st SOL either my advice is see a few or better still if any of your friends know any or have used any that would be a good place to start as you will get advice on how they dealt with things.

From what I have read your partner cannot be trusted at all. So as hard as it would be (I know it is very hard when you genuinely still love someone)don't even entertain the idea of you and your partner getting back together. There appears to be nothing she says or does that you will be able to beleive! Also don't tell her too much.

There is a clear track record of lies from your partner.

How did you find out about the 20K fraud bill? I would imagine because she told you (in the hope you will help out).
This is quite alot of money and once you have got better legal advice then you will know where you stand. As you weren't married I would hope for your sake that you won't be liable for anything.

You said you have separate bank accounts if you have any joint get your name off them ASAP.
Also you said you have moved out if you haven't already make sure all your mail is being sent to you.

These things are very emotive situations so on top of the money there is the breakdown of your relationship and sadly how this affects your kids.

For now forget about the muppet who has helped ruin your family and concentrate on yourself and your kids.

Your partner may try and make it difficult for you to see your kids but again get proper advice on this as it may well be slightly different to me as we were married.

From what I know commonlaw wife does not apply in Scots Law. I do know that you don't have the same rights as anyone who was married. As to the finer details I am not sure.

I am sure someone on here will clear this up for you.

Keep posting and asking questions. There are many peeps on here with great guidance, experience to help you through this bloody awful mess.

Good luck

L4N

Well lawyer required ASAP,she has just informed me that when I come back from offshore I can only take kids out and not back to my parents,and any overnight stays will be when I have my own place even though she threatened to move in with him.

Yes, get legal advice ASAP and establish your rights and your children's rights to have you in their lives.

Others with greater knowledge of whether your ex can stipulate where you may take the children in your time with them will be along later I'm sure.

Sorry this has turned out this way. Keep posting and let us know how you are.

Mitchum

Not the best of days,had the children for all of 2 and half hours at my mums house as the ex wouldn't let me see them at our old house as her new man was there.is it just me because I know if I was him I would have said to her he's the kids dad,I've only recently appeared on scene so ill make myself scarce on Christmas morning at least.My thoughts are she is a heartless cow and he must be a complete tosser.
How can people like her manage to justify her actions in her own head.They are taking them to see her mother tomorrow in south coast.And as I'm going back offshore on wed I will not see them till middle of January.For the last 12 weeks if done everything to try and keep calm for the sake of the kids but after today I'm seriously thinking about moving away as I
can't see any positive outcome,I miss my children but for my own weelbeing going away I think is what I. need to do.
I only live for my twice weekly visits with my kids,which are great but I feel myself is all that I look forward too.I don't want to be a part time dad it kills me I used to spend all my time when not at work just being with themplaying,talking and just being together and she knows this killing me.
Do I just move and start again as life shouldn't be this hard or painful surely.

I'm very sorry for you and all the other parents who didn't see much or anything of their children over Christmas. Please don't despair because things can be sorted out for next year.

If you work offshore arrangements for contact are not going to be conventional , but there is no reason why there shouldn't be more contact when you are home to compensate for when you are away.

When a father isn't married or named on the children's birth certificates they don't automatically have Parental Responsibility & Rights and need to either make a PRR agreement with the mother or ask the court to grant PRR.

In the first instance it is worth trying mediation to see if any agreement can be reached about PRR and contact because arrangements agreed between parents tend to better adhered to than those imposed by a court. Try Googling Relationships Scotland and CALM. Each spouse attends an initial meeting on their own so the mediator can explain the process and discuss whether mediation is appropriate. That is followed up with both parents attending a series of meetings. IT could be possible arrange the initial meeting and one or two follow up meetings for the next time you are on shore. Alternatively arrangements can be negotiated through solicitors.