how are people coping after seperation emotionally

Hi all,

just been wondering how everyone out there is now coping after divorce/seperation.I myself are not doing to good and to be honest finding things a real struggle,mainly as i now live on my own for the 1st time in 18yrs.

Just listening to my own sounds is starting to drive me crazy.



Love to hear others stories situations on this.

best regards

toto

I'm not coping at all, but I won't go into it all again, just to say that I seem to be on automatic and go through the days, weeks and months in a sort of disjointed daze. Coming up to a year, now, in my unexpected and enforced separation, and feel worse, rather than better with the passage of time.

So you're not alone in your misery, Toto.

Chris

Hi there, how long has it been for you toto?
It's two months for me now...and I get very bad 'down' days, ( and it's usually when he hasn't paid something or done something he said he would)..and then I get slightly less anxious days...so when I have a down day, i do at least try to remember that I can have slightly better days too....( I always at least try to have a focus on something, to try and keep my mind occupied rather than thinking about my siuation), which of course isn't always an easy thing to do either...But all we can do is keep trying.
I was with my H for 21 years, and although I have a 15 year old daughter, she has her own social life, and for example was at her friend's house last night, so I was rattling around in this house alone...which is very hard...At the moment mornings and weekends are the worst times for me...I'm still not eating that great, but I KNOW I WILL get there eventually( and that is a bit of an improvement too, as to start with I just couldn't see any way forward whatsoever). I'm still having moments of feeling very alone and lonely, as it's the intimacy or a relationship with someone you have loved for all those years, that has just been shattered...even last night I had a nightmare and woke up only to find it is now my reality...but at least I've not had an anxiety attack for a while, so again that is something...
I am also really worried about finanaces,bt at the moment I am putting that to one side, as I find I can get too overwhelmed by everything
We are all feeling the same things, so know how you are too...so you are not alone.
It is a bit like one step forward and two steps back,but you just have to keep plodding on...people who are further along the road, do say that it gets easier, so I try to hold on to that fact too...It's just that we are having to go through it now.
I must go and have something to eat( the staple diet seems to be bananas and yoghurt)..I am also making myself go out today, to get out the house...
What are you doing, and how're you feeling?

hi chris,

as you know i totally sympathise with your situation, and only can empathise to a certain level as at least i have 1 friend i usually see once a month.A part from that i too feel i am living my so called new life in a zombie state,i seem to get 2 ok days and followed by a week or so of bad ones.

Dont know if its myself i am trying to kid,but when i say i am having a few good days i have no reason as to why that seems,especially how i am currently placed £ accomadation etc.

I find if i go out for a 3 mile mindless walk it kills the depression slightly.I pray for the day when i can have a cat again as at least it will occupy me and keep me company.Guess its down to the charity shop for some more books,anything to try and take my mind off the past .

speak soon

toto.

When you're used to being a partnership it takes time to adjust to being alone.

My ex left 3 years ago. Although our sons remained with me, they weren't very communicative (teenage boys) so not much help in the way of company etc.

I had to adjust to planning for just me etc.
I am now in a better place, though I still feel lonely sometimes, as indeed I did when I was with my husband.

It wasn't without effort to get here though, I had

counselling
anti-depressants
contacted all my old friends
joined this site and met some people through it
joined a book club and a film club
relied on my family quite a bit

and probably much else.
I took my Mum's advice which was to always accept any invitation however much I didn't fancy it at the time, and to plan treats so that I always had something, however tiny, to look forward to.

I also played "You're no good" by Linda Ronstadt very loudly, smashed some crockery (including "World's Best Wife" mug), cried in the bath, took it out on the garden with my secateurs etc.

Whatever works. It does get better.

hi killbill,

i can really relate to you and especially regarding the finances.I have sent you a pm so your in for a good read.LOL.

regards

toto.

Hi nellnoregrets,

i too was given anti ds and decided not to take them,everyone is different and in my case it was a few glasses of red wine,But its early days for me yet,and with winter fast approaching i am already feeling a bit anxious of being couped up in this 1 bed shoe box.Have decided to keep going for my walks come hail or shine.Its the one thing that seems to temporary lift the dark clouds above me.

I know its going to take me a very long time to re adjust to being on my own after 18yrs with someone and there are many nights when i cant help but stop and think what the hell went wrong within our lives.All seems such a waste,no 3rd party involved just someone decides "Oh ive had enough"see ya!

I know as you say it will get better just wish i had the magic wand to fast forward to that time.Like someone once said to me"If you want to get to heaven youve got to go through hell"

regards

toto.