Emotions with children

Hi
Going through divorce , long story but stbx wanted to split
Up few years ago and plainly didn't want me.
We then moved house cos she wanted too and stayed
Together after the house move for a short while
She always wanted to somehow find herself ,did courses
Which she failed. I met someone else and said
I wanted to leave. We have 2 kids almost 18 and other 16.
I now live in rented place and she and girls
At the former home . I have left bout 10 mths ago and live
with new partner. I have having the girls over 1 day week
To stay. Anyway I pay the mtge on the house of bout
£1100 pm and pay rent at £800pm doesn't leave
a lot after bills. My stbx has never worked despite
Me asking her to, now she has started part time work only
Cos she had to. Somehow the girls are getting more distant
And don't want to stay overev week. They contact me when
They want money etc and sometimes if I don't agree straight away
they can be stroppy. Their mum I think is calling me all names
To them . I desperately don't want to lose touch with my girls and my
New ptnr says I am too soft with them.
My ptnr and I both work full time in stressful jobs
I am feeling guilty somehow , maybe cos I don't give themes much as
Before and also I recently booked a weeks holiday in Spain with ptnr
which she is helping to pay for, and keep thinking the girls aren't going on hols and so I feel guilty for going?
Any advice? similar experiences?
Grateful for thoughts

My only thought is to suggest that you talk to your children privately and ask them what they want from your relationship. At 18 and 16 whilst they will still have much growing up to do, they are also very much young adults and should be treated accordingly. Ten months is still early days.

My own children were that age when I first separated, different circumstances, but I was surprised by their maturity in the way that they worked to help me. Whilst it might be quite natural that they would rather be doing other things rather than visiting a parent at that age, it might be worth checking that they don't have any issues with you current partner, I think that might be quite natural too.

One other apparent difference between your situation and mine was that my ex and I agreed at the outset that we would not involve the children in our differences. I believe that both of us upheld that agreement, which I think helped the children through what was still a difficult time. Whilst you can't force any change in how your ex talks about you, I'd encourage you not to be critical of your ex in front of your children.

At that age teenagers mainly want to sleep in their own beds, particularly if they are in the sixth form and snowed under with homework, or doing GCSEs. I'm not remotely surprised that they don't want to stay over every week. It's different with teenagers who have been doing this since they were little - they will see your home as theirs, too. But at this age they don't usually like to have two ­base­s and in any case are more interested in doing things with their friends than being with either parent.

I think to be honest that you just have to make the best of the situation, see them when you can and welcome them even if they are asking for money - this is the usual situation with teenagers!

Best wishes,
Sadie