Re:purposely causing conflict for child

Hi

This is not a new problem but our daughter is becoming upset now - she's 6.

When I left stbx 3 years ago, the one thing I didn't take that I wish I had was our daughter's baby videos. Ex has said that I can have them once the divorce is finished (3 years on still nowhere near).

Last week just in passing in conversation I said something to our daughter about baby videos , she said 'you've got the videos, daddy told me'. I was aghast! I know he's got them and so does he, so why tell her that i've got them.

Second issue: me & stbx agreed when dd was born that his mum wasn't allowed to drive our daughter in the car - she's 6 now and that agreement still stands as far as i'm concerned.

Lately, our daughter has brought this up about nannan not being able to drive her around in the car, and she knows that both me and her daddy agreed it. Now he's telling her that nannan is allowed to drive her around in the car and that what happens in his contact time is upto him. Our daughter has said 'mummy, i know the rules, nannan isn't allowed to drive me around, so why is daddy now saying that she is'.

These issues are obviously confusing her - what do I do and say?

Escaped

If you were to simply nod your head and allow your dtr to think the video issue is settled, would that be wrong? I have done similar things when my daughter repeated negative stuff from my ex.

As for nanna and driving. Why not say to your dtr that her father can indeed make his own decisions during his parenting time (and write to him to that effect) , or, if you feel its a child welfare issue go to court and seek an order (telling your dtr that the adults are sorting things out).

For your dtr to say ' 'you've got the videos, daddy told me' seems to suggest that she is aware of the parental conflict and feeling presurised to take sides. Perhaps the best solution is to just keep her distant from all of that.

You've just reminded me that I have all the family photos which I promised to copy and give my ex and we separated 13 years ago.

Is there a welfare issue that his mum can't drive her in the car?

thanks both x

His mum is 75, should wear a hearing aid but doesn't and is deaf as a post (no intent to cause outrage with other posters who have relatives with hearing impediments). She has something wrong with her eyes (macular degeneration or something).

Apart from that, there's no need for nannan to drive dd around unless it's to further relieve her father of any responsibility for her whilst in his care. He's pretty hopeless by choice and will let others do for him anything he doesn't want to do, but that's not my concern. The safety of our daughter is.

Stbx still leaves dd outside in the car when he goes in the chemist (out of her sight) and she's not happy about it, he was also told by cafcass that it wasn't safe to do this, but hey, he just does what he wants and the more dd is out of his care the better. Some parents may not think there's anything wrong with what's going on but I do, everyone has their own opinion where their children are concerned.

Escaped